18 years today

18 years today

It's not that I ran out of words. And it's not that the pain, grief, and loss vanished. We haven't "gotten over it." As much as we love Aiden, he didn't replace Ana. You do get to a point where you only allow the memories to take you back to that day every now and then. And the day she would have celebrated her 18th birthday is one of those.

The world sure has changed in those 18 years. But the anticipation of seeing her has not. We're closer to that day by far now than then. I've seen death up close a few more times since then, once even my own.

But it didn't compare to that day in the hospital room when Bunny was holding that little body and praying she would come to life.

All I can tell you is that if I didn't have the belief I do in the God who can bring life out of death, I'd never have made it. Then, or now.

Happy birthday granddaughter.



It's Been Six Years (written in 2008)
Today is the 6th anniversary of the death of our one and only grandchild - Our granddaughter Anastasia Elizabeth Wilson. I've gone back through what I've written down through the years at this time of year, beginning with what I sent the night after I had come home from the tragedy, when I was preparing to go back to Macon. I've collected them all here, so I can remember, and in hopes what I wrote would help someone else.

One of the greatest honors in this life for me was being asked by my son Adam to help lead us through the valley of shadows at the funeral. It was also the hardest thing I have ever done. Reading these this morning has been hard as well. But it has also reminded me of just how precious the love of Jesus is to Bunny and me.

We would never have been able to cope with such devastation without Him - without Jesus. If you do read this, my hope for you is that you see past the grief to the grief-bearer.

The day after Ana passed away I wrote...

I'm writing this from my study here at New Hope about midnight on Friday.
Our family is mourning the loss of our Anastasia Elizabeth Wilson, the daughter of my son Adam and our daughter-in-love Shonda. Ana was due to arrive April 29th, but was found Wednesday night to have passed away and was delivered Thursday. I can report to you all that Shonda and Adam are coping as well as they can. Shonda was released from the hospital today.

The funeral will be held Sunday in Macon, GA at Glen Haven cemetery graveside at 2 PM. Visitation is Saturday from 7 to 9 pm at Snow's Memorial Chapel on Pio Nono Ave in Macon. I'll be helping the family through the service Sunday. Please pray for us in this time of deep sorrow.

There is so much I want to tell you about the courage of my daughter-in-love. She was incredibly brave and is a treasure. I'm so glad God placed her in our family. My son Adam was all a husband and Daddy should be - warm, loving, strong, and tender. Shonda's Mom and Dad have been wonderful as well as we share this fellowship of sorrow. And my wife Bunny was able to help deliver her first grandchild, serving her beloved Shonda and Adam through her tears. So many people have been so loving to us, from New Hope to Macon and beyond. May God bless you.

Before I leave to get some sleep prior to returning to Macon, can I share something with you?

Ana was our first grandchild. We were excited and getting more so as the big day approached. In the last few months our tastes at yard sales changed from books to baby clothes. We even traded cars so nothing would hinder our heading back and forth to Macon to see our precious little one. She carried the promise of ice cream sticky kisses, tight hugs, and a million "do it again Granddaddy's".

She was a dream, not a promise. Every baby comes forth out of struggle. Nine months or a little less of growing, of waiting, and then a final violent fight to be born. In our country most make it to birth. Other places fewer do. But we assume they will, because we want them so much. But we don't have a promise that they will. We have a dream.

We say "promises are meant to be broken", because in our humanity, we make some we never intend to honor, others we intend to and can't. The truth of a promise then depends on our character and our ability. We all have sinned and fallen short - so there's our character. And we cannot make everything better - so much for our ability, and our promises.

But there is One Who has both the ability and the character to make promises that count for something. His ability is limitless, and He is absolutely holy. What He says He'll do, He always does. Tonight as I write this through tears I'm trusting in those promises not just for me, but for Adam, Shonda, Bunny, Sean and the rest of our families - and for Ana.

He said, "There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am." John 14:2-3 (NLT)

And He said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." Heb. 13:5b

And this- "For the Lamb who stands in front of the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to the springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe away all their tears." Rev 7:17 (NLT)

No more tears. No more death. No more sorrow.

I know my heavenly Father is caring for our beloved Ana, even better than we could do. And I know that though our hearts are aching, He hasn't left us alone and He never will.

I know that, because I know Him. I'm praying you do too.

May God grant you His peace. Please remember us in your prayers this weekend and in the weeks to come.

David Wilson



One week later I wrote this...

Heaven

At the beginning of our military's involvement in Afghanistan, the nation awoke to the fact that we really didn't know much about it. Thousands searched the net, and browsed books and periodicals to learn more about the land and its people.

One man who had come to his local public library was dismayed to find that every single book was either in use within the library that day or checked out. The librarian tried to calm the man, asking him what it was that drove him to want to know all he could about Afghanistan.

The man said, "This morning, my son's unit landed on the ground near Kabul. I've got a loved one, a part of my heart there."

With the passing of our beloved baby girl, Anastasia Elizabeth Wilson last week, once again I was reminded how much I want to know about heaven, where she is right now. I've spent some time this morning reading about it both in the Bible and in books by Billy Graham and others. All their insight helped me understand more about how special a place it truly is. But it is so much more special to me now.

Our precious baby was blessed with a loving mother who constantly made sure she was loved and cared for. She knew nothing but love. She left for a place of constant love. In our pain that is so hard to imagine. Many of us have known heartbreak. Some have known the pains of persecution, or prejudice, the anguish of loneliness. Ana will forever only know love. Of all I've read today, this helped me the most.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,and no mind has imagined what God has prepared
for those who love him." 2 Cor. 2:9

I've imagined what heaven is like for years. The pictures in my mind are incredibly beautiful. A place of peace, of comfort, of joy! I've tried to think of what will be there, of how it is laid out, or who I'll see and how we will know each other. But in this short bit of scripture, God has told me this - "David, take every dream you ever had about heaven and throw it away. Your heart cannot hold what I've done for you."

God is love. And in that love He has been preparing a place for those who love Him that is beyond anything we can grasp. It's a place you would want everyone you love to go to when they die. I'm so thankful we have a God like that.

I pray everyone who reads this has the key to heaven's door - a relationship with Jesus Christ. If you don't, and would like to know how you can, write me. I want you to have a place prepared beyond all you can imagine too



After One year Had Passed...

How Do You Handle A Heartache?

There's a commercial playing now on the radio station I listen to that's very clever. A woman answers the telephone, and a "headache" asks if it would be a good time for him to come over. "No, it's not a good time for me," she answers. "What about after five? I could do a migraine for you at five. Will that work?" "No, that won't work either, goodbye," and she hangs up.

They are selling a headache remedy that's designed to work all day, and prevent any from occurring. Good work if it can do what it says. I've got another question today though. How do you handle a heartache?

You see it is one of those days that accumulate on the calendar as you grow older, just as the gray accumulates in your hair. Some anniversaries come around every year and are pleasant. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, things like that. Others are added along the path of life and are most unwelcome.

Today is one of those days.

A year ago our family was together, united by sorrow, by bonds deeper than any legal writ. We mourned the passing of a dream. For our son and his wife, their first child. For Bunny and me, our first grandchild. A baby girl, so tiny, with a big name. Anastasia. Ana.

I wrote then that she had passed from the embrace of her mother's womb directly into the arms of God. No pain, no worries, no woe would ever befall her. Truth. Nothing has changed. She's safe, she is whole, and we will see her one day. Yet the loss remains, and the memory lingers. Some days are easier than others. But it is always there.

We've consoled each other. Sharing our individual reactions, bearing one another's burdens. Friends have been wonderful. We've come a long way, gone through several other trials since then. But it has been a long, long year, and the heartache remains. And on anniversaries like this one, it dials our number.

I got up early today and spent some time listening for God's whisper. That's nothing "metaphysical", it just means I got out of His way. Shut down my busy mind. Put my plans on hold and waited. Bits and pieces came, and so I began to write, and I opened my Bible. I read of David's reaction to his child's passing. Then I read of others as they dealt with their grief. I read and I read, and finally I came to this passage.

I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, "Look, the home of God is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be His people. God himself will be with them.4 He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and its evils are gone forever."
5 And the one sitting on the throne said, "Look, I am making all things new!" And then He said to me, "Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true." Rev 21:4-5 (NLT)

I know just how John the revelator felt. Write this down - it is trustworthy and true. God wants us to know just how much He cares for us, and He doesn't want anyone to miss it. Thank God!

God with us. That's what I need, what we need to handle our heartaches. An ever present friend who loves us as we are, but so much more than that. Someone who can make us better - who can make all things new. And someone who won't just help us get over our sorrows, but will remove them. That's exactly what we need.

For now, we have this "old world and its evils." Jesus, in His final few words to His disciples said, "You have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." John 16:22 (NLT)
That's looking forward. And so is this.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33 (NLT)

Friends, grief, sorrow, the pain of loss is part of this world.

Heartaches are a part of life.

But for me, being able to collapse into the arms of Jesus, telling Him of my sorrow, knowing He knows my pain, and is actively helping me through it - well, that is how heartache is handled here. Who did He leave for us? The Comforter. Could anyone have chosen a better name for what we need? So when heartache calls, that is who I turn to. And He's never let me down.

Oh but one day, one day, my Lord will say to all those heartaches - Begone! And no one, no one, will ever rob us of our joy again. I can take heart in that on the most bitter anniversaries. And I will today.

If you would, please remember my son Adam Wilson, his wife Shonda, her parents and family, my wife Bunny, and our family in your prayers today. We've deeply appreciated your prayers. They have truly helped us this past year.



After two years had passed...

Absence and the Heart

Psalm 34:18 (Msg)
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath.

It's been two years today.

And right now my mind is flooded with might have beens. So many things are obvious blessings in my life - my wife, my boys, what God has called me to do, that I can get busy, and some of the hurt goes away. But today it's two years, and all I can think of is what we've missed - of what is absent that we had hoped would be here.

She would have had her father's eyes.

There were times when he was a little boy that we'd go off alone - to the store, to the Krystal, to Grandmother's, that I could look over in the seat next to me and see him looking at me. He'd ask questions, I'd try to answer, and the openness - the trust - the love in those eyes just melted me.

Yep. She would have had her father's eyes.

Her smile would have lit up a room, just like her mother's does. There are a lot of ways to measure people. My own personal preference is to look at their impact on others. Some people enter a room and suck all the joy out of it. When they smile it just doesn't look right, like cow horns on a Mercedes. They put it on to try to give the right response, but it isn't who they are.

Her mother is tiny. But when she smiles - she's huge.

I can see tiny feet beating the earth, little white tennis shoes slapping it as they come, bearing a smile so brilliant it warms this cold earth. She grins from ear to ear, and all you feel is joy.

She'd have her mother's smile.

By now, we'd have covered all the important things. Who loves you best, why Granddaddy's hair is gray, the funniest cartoons, how to eat Krystals and Nuways, and how come Grandmother hugs so hard. We'd have begun noticing new words, and she'd almost be reading. She'd have impacted my wallet and stolen my heart. Again.

Heart. She'd have had her grandmother's.

I have known literally thousands of people over 50 years. Some were self-contained, others - self-absorbed. A few seemed to enjoy this life, and others endured it. Many were bright, even brilliant. Others caught the eye, or in some other way made it through the clutter of a life's experiences to my heart.

But none have loved me like Bunny has. For no one I've ever known loves that deeply.

Two years ago, as we rolled up calendars toward April 29th, the expected day of joy, our home was filled with baby clothing, baby toys, baby... stuff. People around us shared in that and we added our own items. I remember visiting Target with Bunny and hearing her say a dozen times, "won't that look so pretty on Ana?" The only girl in a string of boys, the only girl in her own home full of men - young and older - the possibility to hold, to love, to care, to dress!!! a baby girl was excitement personified.

And when the days stopped for Ana, her Grandmother didn't stop loving. She found a way to love beyond the pain in helping her daughter-in-love deliver her baby. As I watched Bunny hold that small and delicate baby in her arms, weeping and talking to her as if she could hear... it was the greatest expression of love I've ever seen - through the deepest heartache.

She'd have had her Grandmother's heart.

For me, I don't know what I could have given her. It certainly wouldn't be material things, and her mom and dad would certainly taught her the A, B, C's and enlightened her on them 'Dawgs and Georgia politics.

So I guess she'd have had my prayers each day from infancy to adulthood, my lap to sit in, my knees to ride, and later my shoulder to cry on and my ears to hear.

It's been two years today. Two long years. Her absence hurts our hearts. But one day...

We will see her.

And that thrills my heart.

Grace, mercy, and peace,

David Wilson



Three years went by and I wrote...

To Love - To Life

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell. C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Anastasia Elizabeth Wilson entered heaven three years ago this week. She never drew a breath outside her mother's womb.

She was our first grandchild.

It hurt. Dreams were crushed. Hearts shattered. Tears flowed.

To this very day, there's a heartache. If Bunny and I discuss those days, it's in tears. As we talked about it last night, we agreed the events were a sad story, with no joy anywhere within.

But we live on. We love on.

We could do so timidly, like a child venturing out over a frozen lake who knows he shouldn't be doing it at all.

We could do so blindly, like someone who doesn't want to hear the truth and so sticks his fingers into his ears and screams la la la la la at the top of his lungs.

Or we could live each day in love with life, just as it is, with all its hopes and dreams, joys and sorrows.

Why? Or maybe more importantly, how?

Paul writes in Corinithians:

"Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it--because it does. " Cor 14:1 The Message

Life includes the highest of joys and the deepest of heartaches. That's just life. Nothing I've ever experienced was as heartbreaking as the events around Ana's death. But God has shown us His love directly again and again and through many, many people. We are surrounded at New Hope by children, some of who need love so badly they'll beg to be held, or work to catch your attention, or will just sit next to Bunny when she's on the floor teaching, and lay their head on her shoulder.

Friends, to make it through the valley of the shadow of death, you need to know that God is with you, and that there is life on the other side of the valley. Our lives depend on receiving God's love through His Son Jesus and the Spirit's presence with us AND on giving love to others as God has given to us.

Hurts never become happy.

But we can find joy when we live to love.

Grace!

David



Then it had been four years. I was grateful for what God had done in my heart, but it was still there on my internal calendar...

Oh!

32And they came to an olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, "Sit here while I go and pray." 33He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he began to be filled with horror and deep distress. 34He told them, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me."

35He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. 36"Abba,[ g] Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine."

37Then he returned and found the disciples asleep. "Simon!" he said to Peter. "Are you asleep? Couldn't you stay awake and watch with me even one hour? 38Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak."

39Then Jesus left them again and prayed, repeating his pleadings. 40Again he returned to them and found them sleeping, for they just couldn't keep their eyes open. And they didn't know what to say.


This week I've been reading and rereading this passage. I've studied it in every context, in the original language, through the hearts of many commentators and preachers. What they've taught me, I understand.

But... oh!

I don't know what to say... either.

How do we come to grips with the fact that the only person who ever lived on this planet without offending God, was the only one who could pay the penalty for the rest of us? How do we - or can we - understand what taking on the sin of the world meant to Jesus - how He instinctively must have been sick in His spirit? What was Jesus feeling as He suffered with the knowledge of what He must go through?

There are times in this life that people you love go through hardship. You'd love to be able to make it right - to come in and fix everything. But you can't. You slide into the grips of depression, feeling powerless and weak. The tendency then for some is just to give up and do nothing, despite their love for the one in need.

Jesus knows that about us. And it doesn't change His love for us one bit. Note what he says to the disciples. "For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak." So what are we to do?

It's been 4 years since our granddaughter Ana died, and I still don't have the words to make it right. It still hurts for all of us.

Shonda and Adam were going through such pain, and despite everything Bunny and I could do, there was no way we could do enough. The pain, the shock - was there. So we cried. We prayed. We held them and let them know we loved them.

And we hurt. And still are hurting.

But one day, the One who can make it right - will. And his name is Jesus. Knowing that He went through more suffering that we ever could comprehend means for me that I know He understands.

Knowing that He went through it voluntarily means I know He cares.

What do you say to that deep a love?

Thank you Jesus.

David



Last year...

Grief

It is the first emotion I remember.

As a boy, standing beside the road as my father carried my beloved collie away, killed by a truck.

It is the only one I cannot put away.

Even now, just typing the phrase "my father" brings tears. And thinking about our granddaughter... hurts. The loss of someone who we had hoped would fill our lives with joy again and again shook us to the core of who we are and tested the roots of what we believe.

And yet it made me love Jesus more intensely - to cling to Him for life. To make me want to know Him more - to spend more time in His presence.

Because He knew... grief.

It was my first sermon. I had prayed, oh how I had prayed. Day after day I had opened my Bible and read, asking God to give me a "word" for the people at a little mill village town in Forsyth, GA. It was outside that mill that my grandfather had been struck by the car of a rich man's daughter. He died a few days later. I wanted to go there and speak a word of hope, of encouragement.

But God led me to a snippet of Scripture.

No great and lofty text. No commonly known passage. No safe, preacher's portion. I didn't do it justice that day. Perhaps no one ever could. For what it says about the Son of God is too wonderful for words.

11 Not long after that, Jesus went to the village Nain. His disciples were with him, along with quite a large crowd. 12 As they approached the village gate, they met a funeral procession— a woman's only son was being carried out for burial. And the mother was a widow. 13 When Jesus saw her, his heart broke. He said to her, "Don't cry." 14 Then he went over and touched the coffin. The pallbearers stopped. He said, "Young man, I tell you: Get up." 15 The dead son sat up and began talking. Jesus presented him to his mother.
16 They all realized they were in a place of holy mystery, that God was at work among them. They were quietly worshipful— and then noisily grateful, calling out among themselves, "God is back, looking to the needs of his people!"

Luke 7:11-16 (MSG)

That day, I said all I knew to say about that passage in about 6 minutes.

I was young. No one in my family had passed away. I had no clue as to what the loss of someone you loved might be like. I had history - other people's life experiences passed down.

Since then I've had too many occasions to remember how Jesus reacted to the widow of Nain.

You know, when I pray for those at the point of death, I pray for God's will to be done. That doesn't mean I haven't fought the fierce inner struggles we all do when we want our loved ones restored as Jesus did that day outside Nain. No one wants those they love to leave them. But I know that God's will is always best for His children. Even though it is so hard.

Because He's a God whose heart can be broken over their grief.


I don't know if I could follow a God Who looked down on people and tried to imagine what they were feeling. Maybe, but there'd be so much missing from his understanding. He'd never really know... grief.

Some of you know exactly what I mean. The days, weeks, and months after someone dies do help with the pain, but it never really leaves entirely. And at certain times, or on certain days, it leaps back into your mind. That's when I turn to Jesus. That's when He looks at me and I know He shares my pain.

Even in grief, our God is there, looking to the needs of His people.

And He's exactly what we need.

"God is back, looking to the needs of his people!"

Yes He is. Even today.

May God give you peace,

David



Today it's been six years.

Bunny's been looking at the calendar for weeks now, knowing it was coming. We've talked about Ana and her passing several times in the last few days. One thing is for certain. Bunny and I are closer to seeing Ana today than we have ever been before. Age has its rewards.

Someday we'll see a beautiful little girl come running toward us with her arms wide open. Someday we'll kneel and receive the blessing of her hugs and kisses. Someday there will be no more anniversaries, no days like this.

But not today.

Today we'll mourn, and look ahead. To heaven. To the One Who has promised to wipe away every tear - personally.

To Ana.

Love you,

Grandmother and Granddaddy

Toys R Us Faith?

If you are of an age, you will remember a wonderland of toys called Toys R Us. When I was a child, there were two toy stores in the city near us. One was in the rich section of town and I never went in there. The other was downtown and when I first went in there, it was literally underneath another store. The effect was as if you were shopping in someone's basement.

We didn't get toys often. So in that "I want my kids to have better than I had it" good old American dream, our boys had quite a few. Bunny and I did our share, but the real giver of toys was their Granddaddy Wilson. I always suspected when I was a child that he loved my toys at least as much as I did, but by the time I had children of my own, there was no doubt in my mind that he loved the toys he bought them maybe more than they did.

There was a routine to it normally. It was called "payday." When my father got his check, that Friday he would take the boys to Toys R Us and buy them each a toy. And then there were the "make it up to you" toys. If something went wrong - maybe they got in trouble with their parents or their grandmother, my father would sneak them off to Toys R Us and "make it up to them" by buying them something. No wonder the theme song for the store was "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid."

It's a pretty horrible parenting style, frankly.

And yet there are sometimes that we look up to our Father God when things don't go the way we want them to, and sort of pray for Him to "make it up" to us. Even a casual reader of the New testament can't help but notice that there's a whole lot of suffering that goes on among believers, and a whole lot more that is predicted for those who come after.

Right now, we're going through some trying times. The temptation is to pray for God to swoop in, fix it, and then make it up to us - rewarding us for going through the trial. No, He has something better for us. By leaning on Him, by trusting Him with every care and worry, instead of being compensated for our trouble, we are going to find ourselves becoming conformed more toward the image of Christ Jesus.

Toys wear out. They often break or the batteries die. Sometimes they get lost.

But the effect of God's Holy Spirit working in us will never go away. I want to grow up.

The "new" normal

If ever there was a "Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore" like moment, this is it. Yes, we who went through President Kennedy's assassination, the murder of MLK, of Bobby Kennedy, the riots of 1968, OPEC oil shutoffs....

Wait a minute.

We made it through that. Yes we did. And we made it through 9/11, the 23 Gulf Wars that followed, and the last three elections. And we will make it through this.

We were completely overwhelmed ​— ​beyond our strength ​— ​so that we even despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a terrible death, and He will deliver us. We have put our hope in Him that He will deliver us again  (2 Cor 1:8-10)

I've been reading lately a great deal about the beginning and spread of the early church. If any pastor thinks he or she has had to make a giant shift in the way we do ministry, I challenge you to look back at the shift from Torah, temple, sacrificial offerings and the like to One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism over a weekend.

Resurrection happened and all LOVE was let loose.

That's our opportunity today. Can we, in our approved social distancing bunker lives now realize that we've been given the chance to spread the love of Jesus to more people via the internet and our watch parties or invitations to our friends to watch than ever. EVER. 

So given we ARE GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS, how can we LOVE MORE?

Well done, good and faithful servant

I just received word that the Anderson's beloved friend Lucy has passed away. Their hearts are broken at their loss. Please pray that God would provide the healing for their hearts and peace for their spirits at this very, very tough time.

It's the only flaw dogs have really, they live too few years. The following is the post I wrote when Lucy came home with them almost 6 years ago. 

"A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself." Josh Billings

Things are about to change at the Anderson's house.

Lucy the dog is coming to her forever home.

To look at the Andersons you wouldn't think they lacked a thing - they are a great family. Awesome dad and mom and great son -my friend Ian. They even have a cat.

But they've lacked something without really knowing it. They've lacked the love of dog.

From the earliest recorded history, people and dogs have been together. Of all the species that inhabit this earth, none has bonded with humans like the dog. Countless stories have been written about dogs that found their way home over hundreds of miles, that remained faithful to owners who had passed away, who gave everything they had as long as they could. Dogs have given their lives to save us, have rescued us from all manners of harm, and warned us of dangers we could never have seen. They've lowered our blood pressure and given us someone to talk to.

But their greatest work is in giving us a living example of how to love unconditionally.

The love of dog.

Sometime Sunday afternoon, Lucy the dog will come home.

And that home will never be the same.

First Things First

Today is July the 4th. Here at the Wilson home, we've finished the cookout and are getting ready for tonight's fireworks. One has to precede the other and well, we might as well eat. While we're waiting I started thinking about how amazing it is to be a part of it all- the great experiment that is America.

What made America different? Why, among all the nations that have come and gone, is she looked to as a model - a lighthouse to the world - that "City on a Hill"?

You can look over the incredible beauty of our land. You can see the works of the hands and the warmth of the hearts of our people. You can measure our strength and the valor of those who serve her. But first things first.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...

As the men who "pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor" wrote their explanation to the world in the form of a "Declaration of Independence", setting out on a course that would lead to America - before they unpacked their grievances with Britain, they found within them something pure and God-given.

Before one single battle was fought, before any laws were passed, before the first coin was struck, before a flag was flown, America wanted to be known as the nation who recognized that some things surpassed preferences, local culture, or national identity. "We hold these truths to be self-evident..."

First things first.

So how can we incorporate that in our busy and hectic lives? How can we make sure we are living purposeful lives? That we are putting our energies into what matters, and holding as convictions those things that place us into the center of God's will?

19 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where they can be eaten by moths and get rusty, and where thieves break in and steal. 20Store your treasures in heaven, where they will never become moth-eaten or rusty and where they will be safe from thieves. 21Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be. Matthew 6 (NLT)

"Wherever your treasure is..."

A friend of mine in California has five kids - all boys under 15. They play every sport known to man and some that they just make up. He lives in a nice neighborhood where people take great pride in the appearance of their homes and their yards. The wear and tear on his yard doesn't help him keep up. One night after agonizing over what to do about it, he went back inside and walked past the bedrooms of his sons as they slept. Looking at them for a minute, he left and went into his garage and went straight from there out to the lawn.

The next morning, his neighbors who passed by noticed the new sign.

"We're raising sons now. Grass later."

First things first. Make God the center of your life. Look to Him and through His Word at your life, your values, your desires. Set your priorities based on nothing other than your love and devotion to Him. If you love Him, you'll hold His truths to be "self-evident" and your life as the "evidence" of His love.


Grace! And May God Bless America.

David

Maybe this time... thoughts about Pickett's charge

Growing up a generation ago in Middle Georgia meant that I was presented with a worldview far different than that kids receive today. 

It was the South, before the advent of air conditioning, when the echoes of the civil war still were heard. Every child in school was taught a particular version of history, long on the heroic actions of people like Robert E. Lee and short on a real examination of why the war was fought.

I devoured the biographies, poured over the battles, and tried to imagine being there. Everything I wanted to know about what the war was like occurred during the first three days in July 1963 - at Gettysburg. I've fought that battle so many times - in turn by turn board games, computer simulations - and watched every movie ever made. 

And every time I did it I wondered, what was it like to walk out of the trees with General Pickett and walk directly into the hell of the center of the Union lines. To risk it all for a cause bigger than myself. To decide with that first step, to lay down my life if that's what it took.

I was not alone. 

From the pen of William Faulkner...

For every Southern boy fourteen years old, not once but whenever he wants it, there is the instant when it's still not yet two o'clock on that July afternoon in 1863, the brigades are in position behind the rail fence, the guns are laid and ready in the woods and the furled flags are already loosened to break out and Pickett himself with his long oiled ringlets and his hat in one hand probably and his sword in the other looking up the hill waiting for Longstreet to give the word and it's all in the balance, it hasn't happened yet, it hasn't even begun yet, it not only hasn't begun yet but there is still time for it not to begin against that position and those circumstances which made more men than Garnett and Kemper and Armistead and Wilcox look grave yet it's going to begin, we all know that, we have come too far with too much at stake and that moment doesn't need even a fourteen-year-old boy to think ...This time. 
Maybe this time with all this much to lose than all this much to gain: Pennsylvania, Maryland, the world, the golden dome of Washington itself to crown with desperate and unbelievable victory the desperate gamble, the cast made two years ago. — William Faulkner Intruder in the Dust

But that victory was not to be. 

Thank God.

Though the men who fought for the South fought skillfully, bled and died sacrificially, and though most of them would have told you that they fought for Georgia, or Virginia or their home state, the fact that the leaders of the Confederacy decided to incorporate the continuation of slavery in their constitution meant they were on the wrong side of history. They had a valid point about state's rights. Had they acknowledged the wrong that slavery was, and then fought their battles, things could have been different. 

The boy I was didn't see that. 

All he could see was an open field, unfurled colors, and George Pickett raising his sword. The chance to have your belief measured against the real possibility of death. To offer your all for a cause.

Ironic I suppose that years later I surrendered to a cause far greater. And I step out of the woods and advance against the culture every day as a follower of Jesus. To give it all.

Admirer or Disciple?

One of the people whose works and writings have profoundly affected my view of God, or of following Jesus, and who still inspire me is Clarence Jordan. Clarence was a graduate of the University of Georgia with a degree in Agriculture, then went on to Southern Seminary and earned a Masters and Doctorate. He was a farmer and a New Testament scholar. In the early 1940's Jordan and his wife found a piece of property in Sumter County near Americus Georgia and founded "Koinonia Farm", an experiment in Christian community that crossed the racial boundaries that so characterized the South of that time.

During this time Clarence approached his brother Robert Jordan, later state senator and justice of the Georgia Supreme Court, asking him to represent Koinonia Farm legally. His brother replied, “Clarence, I can’t do that. You know my political aspirations. Why, if I represented you, I might lose my job, my house, everything I’ve got.” 

“We might lose everything, too, Bob,” Clarence reminded him. 

Jordan continued, “I remember, it seems to me, that you and I joined the church the same Sunday, as boys. I expect when we came forward the preacher asked me about the same question he did you. He asked me, ‘Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?’ and I said, ‘Yes.’ What did you say?”

“I follow Jesus, Clarence, up to a point,” Robert replied.

“Could that point be…the cross?” asked Clarence pointedly.

“That’s right. I follow him to the cross, but not on the cross. I’m not getting myself crucified.”

Clarence said, “Then I don’t believe you’re a disciple. You’re an admirer of Jesus, but not a disciple of his. I think you ought to go back to the church you belong to, and tell them you’re an admirer, not a disciple.”

Ouch!

But isn't that true of more of us than we'd like to admit? We get squeezed between our professed love for Jesus and "the real world" of work, of money, of family, of status, of class, of rank, of whatever, and that old tempter starts whispering sweet nothings in our ear. And we listen, especially when we're hard pressed. Instead of setting our faces like flint, we gradually turn away from the hard path, the tough places thinking that movement away will bring the comfort and blessings we really want and believe we deserve.

29 “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God,30 will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come.”

Luke 18:29-30 (NLT)

When are we going to learn that we cannot out give God? When will we realize that the way "forward" means leaving the values of this world behind? When will we follow Jesus past "that point"?

Lots of people are stuck because they use the wrong standard of measurement. Are you faithfully following Jesus? Then let no one keep you from continuing.

But if you are not... if you are primarily interested in how you benefit... if it's always about YOU.

Then go back in repentance to the church you belong to and tell them you are sorry and that you want to be a follower, not an admirer.

So, You Want To Be A Pastor...

So, You Want To Be A Pastor... 

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers--Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew--fishing with a net, for they were commercial fishermen. 19Jesus called out to them, "Come, be my disciples, and I will show you how to fish for people!" 20And they left their nets at once and went with him.Matthew 4:21-23 

There are times when I have to laugh about the position God has placed me into. Here's a guy who was after the American Dream - had a great job with one of the best companies on earth, great family, new car, new house.. etc. We had just finished a year within which we had reached a level of income we had never seen before. Our friends at church were great, the church was growing, and we were a part of it. Word within the church was I was a shoo in for deacon. 

Then God went and made me a pastor. I sure didn't see that coming, but it was clear to me and to others I trusted that God was calling me to serve His church.

Which leaves me wide open for questions like why? 

If it was in pursuit of accomplishment - well I'll have you know I had already achieved great success. 

For example, were you aware that I had sold the first full page color Pepto Bismol ad in the known world? Ha! Didn't think so. Or that I had sold 23 trucks full of Folgers coffee, marking the single biggest purchase on record for that brand? No? Well, now you know. And I hope you also know that compared to a person coming to know Christ or growing deeper in ther faith, that stuff's so lame.

If you decide to go into the ministry though, I should tell you that you'll have to learn a lot more about failure than accomplishment. And instead of trusting in your skill or passion, you'll have to learn to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit even when it seems He's nowhere to be found. Trust Him.

Now there will be times when everything goes well and people will single you out as a great pastor and leader, and then there will be times when things are running the wrong way and people look to you to make something happen and wonder if you can. But you have to know in your heart that all you've done from the very beginning is to love God, love His people, and try to give both your best. Any success has come from God and if it's dry right now, then He's still at work, just in a different way. Follow Him.

You'll have to come to grips with the knowledge that there will always be people who question your motives and wisdom. It'll happen more at first, but after almost 17 years here and over 20 years as a pastor, it still happens. Love them.

Sometimes there will be people who come but are at cross purposes with what the church is and hopes to be and that you still have to love them, but you don't have to let them have their way. In fact, you can't - because you're the pastor, and the good pastor lays down his life for the sheep. You'll pray for them, talk with them, and try to make them understand God's call on your church. Not the one across town or across the oceans. The church you serve. Stay true to that call. Follow the Holy Spirit's direction. 

Some people will leave, and you have to wish God's best for them, even if you believe they are leaving just that. Even if you've stood up for them to others. Even if you've given them your time. And then you have to believe that it is all part of God's plan and keep praying, keep loving, and keep preaching the Word. Does it hurt? Oh yes. Sometimes it rips your heart and that of your family. When you've prayed literally hours for someone and been there during some of the events of their life, it's tough. Guess it should be. If you don't care for people, don't you dare become a pastor.

There are stresses and strains in your life that no one will see. We've had to make use of the church food pantry too many times. Racing the Gulf Power cut off guy home gets old. We got really good and pinching pennies, but after over 20 years as a pastor I've never equalled what I made the year before I became one. When you get to the church on Christmas Eve, check the mailbox and find that your check has bounced, it takes a deep faith to stick that slip in your pocket and go lift people's eyes to the cross. My wife and my family have paid a price for my answering the call. It can destroy a marriage - it can ruin a life - several lives. I was blessed with a wife who has been more and done more for the churches I have served than anyone will ever know. And my sons - well I hope they saw that their Dad did his best. If money matters a lot to you, this is the wrong career field.

I have fewer years ahead than I have behind me, and I'm bivocational now instead of full time. But there's never a day that I'm not praying, not studying/ reading in some way to be a better pastor, a better communicator. I'm always looking for ways to see New Hope grow. We've tried some that did great, and some that didn't. But you have to keep trying to connect people to God and to people. It can be frustrating to have to build the consensus and gather the volunteers to get something done. But it's worth it, and there are many times that if you'll listen, some of the best ideas you will ever hear come from them.

One day I'll no longer be the pastor of a church. I'll still be God's servant, but I'll be serving in a different role. I don't know when that will be, but I know when it comes I'll be praying every day for my pastor, and seeking to do whatever I can to help him as he works for God.

Pastor - It's a hard, hard job. It's a thankless one from the world's point of view. But keep following Him. Keep loving His people.

For the knowledge that you served Jesus... now that makes it all worthwhile.

Every Day - devotional for June 1

There are a lot of people who can work hard for a while, care for a while, love for a while, give of themselves for a while. They leave behind them a legacy of inconsistency and frayed or broken relationships with people and with God. 

In their jobs, they can’t be counted on. 

As parents, they raise kids who never know what the boundaries are. 

As husbands or wives, they tend to make everything about them – the “me” trumps the “we” that makes marriage work.

What’s the answer?

24 Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. 

25 Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.  Matt 16 (MSG)

The secret to a life that leaves a lasting legacy is in those verses. 

Let Jesus lead.

Embrace life’s hardships. 

Follow Jesus every day. 

EVERY DAY. 

Do it and find peace.

To Live By Faith

With desperate and hungry people camped all over the church lawn, Jesus turns, then and now, to his followers and speaks what is either a cruel joke or lavish divine humor: "They need not go away; you give them something to eat" (M.t 14:16). The disciples, fully aware that their own resources are not up to the magnitude of the need (Mt 14:17) nonetheless trust that the jest is a divine one and obey Jesus.  Thomas G. Long

Jesus' words "You give them something to eat," are a "divine jest." They are a daily dare. He's saying "I dare you to take me at my word. And see what happens. "

A few years ago, a few New Hope folks began helping out with the "Supper on Saturday" meal distribution. It's a wonderful program that brings together people from the local Methodist mega-church as well as others from other churches in trying to meet the needs of the poor among us all. After that experience, we reasoned that if some were taking 6 meals for two people, then perhaps the need was greater than just on Saturday. We were already cooking meals for anyone who came on Wednesday night, so what's a little more?

You see the picture of the shelves above? That's our pantry for the meals. It looked pretty low when that picture was taken, and it's been lower. But for 4 years, we have cooked, packed, and delivered anywhere from eighty to one-hundred twenty meals every Wednesday night. We've never missed a Wednesday, regardless of weather or holidays.

It's been part of the "daily dare" that is the walk of faith at New Hope.

During the last six years, our church has weathered severe financial hardship, coming out of debt, and dealing with the lack of resources in a way that turned a challenge into a "see what happens" chance to truly see what God can do with our faith. Our treasurer and I on many occasions have shared a private laugh over what our bank balance was, what our obligations were, and how somehow, someway, God always, always, always got us through. One week I shared that we had $1.21 in the bank during a Wednesday night prayer meeting, and my beloved church family burst out in applause. "Look what God did tonight with $1.21" one man said. "We delivered 120 meals" for less than what you could find in the couch cushions."

Now we've done what we could. I've returned to bivocational status, working as a teacher to cut overhead. We're notoriously frugal as a church when it comes to spending on things. But I believe we are notoriously generous when it comes to spending on helping people - wherever they may be. And right now I sense God beginning to move us to do more.

Friend, we're just normal people. There are a lot of ways we could improve. But I don't think we can improve on the call of Jesus to come along and see what He can do with folks who don't have much, but are willing to see what He can do with it.

Shameless plug: If you want to be a part of a church that hasn't forgotten why we're here, and tries very hard to do as much as we can, for as many as we can - come join us at New Hope.  Oh and bring some green beans - we could use them for this week's meal. :)

Read This

Do just the opposite of what the world calls you to do. Dive deep into a community of people who call themselves a church. Expose your best and worst sides to them. Experience their worst and their best. Love them anyway as they love you. Don't go looking for the "best" this or that. Don't go seeking to have your "needs" met. Find an imperfect place filled with imperfect people and spend the rest of your life trying to meet their needs and the needs of the souls God puts into your path.

And if you're in one of those places right now...

treasure it.

Thank God for it.

You may very well find a place that requires far less of you and presents you with that just right music, just right messages, and just right people to share it with.

But in doing so you are walking away from the HEART of what it means to be a Christian. All those passages like "the last will be first" or "take up your cross daily."

It shouldn't be easy.

It should cost you something of your comfortable life.

Resist.

Dive deep.

----------------------

This post is dedicated to the most real, most raw experience of "church" I have ever known, my beloved New Hope Baptist Church in Valparaiso. You guys are heroes to me and an inspiration every moment you come to mind.

The hardest kind of love

Our friends Larry and JoAnn have a dog that is nearing the point of death as I write this and it's tearing them up. His furry friend has been a part of their lives for many years and today he's not responding to them or interested in food or water. Death seems near.

Those of us who are loved by dogs go into each new relationship knowing that we almost certainly will not only have the joy of receiving the love of a new friend, but that we will also have the deep sorrow of our parting. For this very reason, many people choose to never have another dog - the bitter pain of losing one is just too much to bear.

Choosing to be there as they pass, whether naturally or with a vet's help, is one of the most gut-wrenching things I've ever experienced. One of our dogs was tragically taken from us in a freak accident, but the very last movement she made was to wag her tag one last time as I reached her fallen form.

With another furry friend, Bunny and Sean eased her passage by talking to her and petting her, though their tears were falling, until she left.

And Sean and I were there when our big friend Henley the Great Dane was eased into the next life to spare him the agony of the bone cancer that had riddled his leg. With the possibility of his next step causing an agonizing fracture, we laid on the floor by him as the drugs did their work. I have never loved a dog as much as Henley, and we only had him for 7 years.

Freddie the mini schnauzer has been with JoAnn and Larry for more than 15.

So if you read this, pray for those who love enough to walk the last mile with their friends.