Mostly

"It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said 'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do. "
— Anne Lamott (Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith)


Mostly, they do. But sometimes they don't.

Hard weekend.


Tough trip to Macon to see Curtis Clinard, one of the finest Christian men I have ever known. Not a perfect man, there was only one of those and we nailed him to a cross. But a forgiven man, who in response to that great act of God's grace, has tried for nigh onto 84 years to live it out. And yes, he's old now, but he wasn't that old when we saw him last. It's as if age all of a sudden caught up. 


And it broke my beloved's heart and it broke mine. 

He's in the house that was made a home by the presence of his bride, Dot. It's obvious from the moment you enter it now that she's not there. And Curtis can only live with her memory, and that's both comfort and pain. Bunny showed him some pictures of family on her laptop Friday night and he was interested and engaged. But when one of his beloved Dot came on the screen, his eyes instantly filled with tears and this man who had a will of steel for so many years, began to sob. 

We'd give everything we have to make it right for him. We'd take him in down here and honor him for the rest of our lives with whatever he needed because in doing it, we could partially return what he so freely shared with us. 

And he won't leave his memories. So we came home. Shaken.

It was a tough trip.

We left him wanting us to stay longer to come back to the place we left Macon almost twelve years ago for and the church we love and serve. Had a tough night sleep from the emotional toil and physical problems brought on by it. Then got up and went to church to be among friends - to be with family. 

But it was a tough day there too. A lot of the family was missing.

So I'm writing this to close the book on the week that was, and praying that God will lead Bunny and me into the week He has prepared for us. I'm praying it's filled with joy. We could use some joy right about now.


"...most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around you."
— Anne Lamott (Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith)

Home and away

Bunny and I made the trip up to Macon Friday and came back late this evening. Since last September we have driven over 20,000 miles. Given we have not gone on vacation, and typically a tank of gas lasts us 3 weeks, I'm going to say that trips to Macon make up the bulk of that.

When Bunny's Mom came down with the illness that eventually claimed her, we started making the trips. Sometimes they were emergency got to get there right now whatever day it is dashes. Most were go up Thursday evening, get there before 1AM Friday, then hit the ground running later that morning. I lost track of how many times we went, but toward the end it went to every other week, and then every week. Since Bunny teaches piano during the week, she can't phone it in - she has to be there. And since I'm a pastor, my Sunday's are tied up. So I switched my off day to Friday, and Bunny cleared hers too. And we went - all through the fall, into the winter, and to the cusp of Spring. We were totally focused on Dot and willing to do whatever it took to help her get well and help Curtis cope. She was THE priority.

But we lost her.

And the aftershocks in Bunny's heart continue. Bunny slept almost all the way back home tonight. I think she was just emotionally spent. The trip was almost as tough as the one we took to be at the funeral.

This weekend was at her father's request - to clean out Dot's closet. To give you an idea of how hard this is for Curtis (Bunny's Dad) - he changed closets rather than be faced with Dot's clothes every day - without Dot. My mother in love was a beautiful woman with the taste to match. Bunny carefully gathered, then separated and placed the clothes in black plastic bags - crying as she did so, because over and over and over again she remembered what her mother looked like in those clothes.

On Dot, they were beautiful.

But now they are just clothes. Nice clothes. Certainly still can be used. They will look good on the right person.

Yet Bunny and her dad KNOW what those clothes could look like.

I'm sitting here thinking that when Bunny, Curtis and I read and think about heaven and its beauty, we're as limited as the folks who will receive those clothes.

Dot on the other hand, KNOWS what heaven looks like.

And my thanks to God for that will be the last thought before I fall asleep tonight.

There's More To The Story

We're trying to move on down here. It's been an exceptionally trying week, and it isn't over. And we're not the only one's hurting. Our neighbors saw their son's birthday come and go without him for the first time since his tragic death. He'd have been sixteen. Everybody hurts.

We've been blessed by an enormous outpouring of love and support from both our loved ones here in Valparaiso and our friends and loved ones in Macon. The church my mother and father in law belonged to was awesome in their warmth.

The musicians and soloist at the funeral were outstanding, even though they played a song my mother loved that was played at her funeral too that I've almost banned here because of how heart wrenching it is. There's never enough time though for the pastors to say everything they could. So let me tell you some of the rest of the story.

The life that Dot Clinard lived spanned over eight decades. She saw America change in ways that would have been unbelievable to her mother. Growing up in Albany GA, she came of age as America won the second World War. Pictures from that time show a beautiful young woman with a winning smile. She married a young man named Curtis Clinard, and was a faithful wife, loving companion, and supporter for the next 62 years. That's 62 years,or about 12.2 marriages in today's average. So it's clear that Dot understood love, marriage, and commitment - and lived it as her husband progressed in his sales career.

I've been a salesman. It's critical that you have confidence in yourself to succeed. There will be days when you don't close the sale when you know you needed to in order to provide better for your family. When you go home and your wife treats you like a winner regardless, you'll receive what you need to go back out and do it again. You'll do it better - for her. You want to make her proud. Trust me, it's a powerful motivator.

In Curtis' case, he wasn't just a salesman, he was a traveling salesman. Being on the road is a hard life anyway you slice it. Hard for the salesperson and hard for the ones you leave behind. It is extremely difficult.

It is impossible without an exceptional partner.

Dot was all that.

She gave birth to four children. Three boys, and despite her doctors objections that she shouldn't have any more children, a girl. They lived a life with Mom five days a week and a life with dad on the weekend. Always sounded overwhelming to me. I've been a boy, and helped raise two, and even being home - it was a challenge. One that she mastered. All four have grown up to raise families of their own, and were equipped to face the challenges life can throw at you. Each of them has known times when they were tested, and each has responded as they were taught.

It was news to me when I heard that Dot was baptized as an adult. Her faith was so much a part of who she was. Look, as a pastor I know that there are people who come because they are supposed to and people who come because they can't imagine anywhere else they'd rather be. And it is especially telling if people show up with their family when there's ever reason not to - like having four kids to get ready. And Dot had the kids there every time the doors were open and was a servant while she was there.

You heard people say "she makes everyone feel so comfortable, so welcome" or "she was so friendly" and granted, those are traits anyone can have. Occasionally. But you can't keep it up for decades unless there's more behind it than good intentions. It takes a heart tuned to the compassion of Jesus. That's that servant thing again.

That same heart that was turned to compassion had to be turned against sin and toward obedience. I don't mean forced obedience. I mean obedience by decision after decision as you lay your life down for Christ, for your husband, and for your family.

Dot was a beautiful woman. She had options. She chose Christ. She chose a life of sacrifice, a beautiful offering for her Savior lived through countless decisions to deny herself. It was costly, and she would have told you on any day - it was worth it all.

Yeah we miss her. Who wouldn't?

We'll see her again.

And the best way to live until we do is following Jesus in the everyday.

We've been pointed in the right direction.

What's Left

There in one picture are two of the most beautiful women I have ever known. One I had the incredible blessing of marrying (yes, a little later after this was taken), and the other, the absolute greatest mother in love anyone could ever have.

Actually met the future mother in love many years before I met my wife. She was working at Greene's propane in Macon during the period when my daddy would take his boys into town to get the tanks refilled. We were living in a submarine - okay a trailer - 10 ft wide by 55 feet long - as my father chased a dream of having his own bit of land. For a sharecropper's son, that was a big dream. But it put a financial strain on us, so I can't imagine Dot's initial impression of what would become part of the family was favorable. I do know she was kind. In fact that's all I remember about those trips to Greene's- the mystery of propane tank filling, and that lady in the office who my father thought was real pretty and who I just knew as kind to little boys.

Roll forward a few years to a night that would begin a life change for me as I meet her again in her home. Was invited there to play some board games. She welcomed me warmly and pointed me in the right direction. That wouldn't be the last time she did either of those.

I enjoyed 35 years of her company on the journey of love called marriage I have been blessed to have with her daughter. She loved her family and lived a life of faith. Being the wife of a traveling salesman meant that she did more than her share most of the time. She did it well, as a wonderful mom raising three boys and a girl and being an awesome grandmother and great grandmother.

All along the way she touched people's lives with her kindness, compassion, femininity, and grace. Beautiful inside and out. I've never heard anyone talk about Dot with anything other than love and admiration. Think about that for a minute, will you? Live 83 years and see if you can be remembered as she will be.

And now she is gone from this life and alive in the next. To say she is missed is obviously an understatement. It hurts that she is gone from us, even though we know she lives - whole and full of joy in heaven.

So what's left?

An incredible legacy.

A life invested in her family.

A life example of faith lived out through the everyday.

A reason to thank God for the privilege of knowing her, of loving and being loved by her.

In Sacred Spaces

For someone who enjoys the church of today, I have to confess a real yearning for the sacred spaces that were constructed - purpose built if you will - to be sanctuaries where men and women meet with God.

I have friends who pastor churches that meet in movie theaters and love it.

Place though, reaches out to me. Sacred space.

A few years ago I officiated at a wedding in the chapel of FUMC Albany GA. It was glorious. Carved wood panels with stations of the cross. Stained glass streaming rays of sunlight. Light fixtures adorned with crosses. Walnut pews with kneelers. Two pulpits, an altar, and vestments.

As I watched the rehearsal start, I wandered upstairs and sat at the organ. Dedicated in 1919 "To the glory of God", there were notes on it dated 1944 instructing the organist to remember to play for God's pleasure alone.

In this day of multipurpose facilities, or places repurposed (like theaters), such spaces speak to me about what the people who built it believed about the role of spaces and worship - spaces and life.

We're up in Macon for a couple of days. Bunny's Mom is under hospice care, and everyone is taking part in her care. We do everything we can do, as often as we can do it. Being 5 hours away makes it a challenge, but it is one we can meet.

And being here is like being back in one of those sacred spaces.

I know that God is at work here.

Prayers are being received in heaven from people all over the world who know what's happening in this home. God's grace is being applied to those inside.

Sacred space. Yes it is.

Whatever you can do - do it

Back from a couple days in Macon helping Bunny care for her Mom. She's so intense at doing that when we are up there that even though I want to do everything I can do, many times I am one step too late. She's already at it when I'm just getting up.

It would be a great joy to report that Dot is much better, but I cannot. We keep hoping that she will begin eating enough to help her body heal. I watched Bunny and her dad do everything they could think of to get her to eat even a little. I did contribute a Wendy's frosty that Dot ate a little of. Maybe next time up I'll get her a NuWay.

Dot recognized Bunny and me immediately. She watched TV, read magazines, laughed with Bunny at you tube clips, and as long as she could hear you was engaged in the conversation. Dot's still Dot. Frail, yes, but she's such a treasure.

I hope everyone that enters her bedroom tries to get her to eat something.

I'm very tired when I write this, but I want to put this out there for anyone who might read this blog (I know there must be someone :) ).

If you still have your parents - honor them with your prayers, with your presence, and with preeminence of priority when you are with them.

In other words - it ain't about you.

It's about them.

So come visit to listen. Talk with them about things they want to talk about. Listen to them even if they tell you a story you have heard before. Bring in life and encouragement - sow hope! Give them every moment's attention you can for as long as you are there. Be available to do whatever they want you to do. They've given you more time than you'll ever realize. Time to pay it back.

For you will not always have that chance.

Where In the World Are David and Bunny

We're here in Lizella Georgia for a couple of days to visit with Curtis and help care for Bunny's Mom.

So talk among yourselves, as I'll be pretty busy.

I am really looking forward to Sunday at New Hope.

His Eye Is On All His Creations

When we were getting my mother-in-love settled into Heartland Thursday, I looked out her window and saw a dozen of her favorite birds - cardinals.

Dot has cardinals all over her home. She loves them.

On a hard day, during a hard time, I think her heavenly Father knew she needed something extra. So He made sure she'd see this.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
1 John 3:1 (NLT)

Thin Places, Beautiful Faces

We're in Macon's Medical center of Central Georgia as I write this. Bunny's by the bedside of the woman who carried her for nine months and who modeled faith, grace, kindness and compassion to her all her life.

It's been a week of amazing glimpses of just how God works, despite the mess a sin soaked world presents as "life." We've heard some heart-wrenching words, and some that were as joy filled as any I have ever had occasion to overhear. There's been devastation, and there's been hope. And now, there's the knowledge that we are as close as we can be, doing all we can.

The ancient Celts used to talk about "thin places." They thought that certain features of the landscape - ancient oaks. mountains, beautiful rivers or ocean vistas were sometimes places where one could feel the very presence of God.

Well, I sit in a chair on a tile floor. To my right - a sink with various means of scrubbing the germs off. In front of me is the dry erase board with the date and the names of the nurse and aide. Nothing remarkable there. Nothing to inspire, or even remind you of a present God. Instead of the roar of ocean waves or the gentle rustle of oak leaves, I hear the air mattress compressor and the sounds of a hospital.

There's nothing lovely here... except the faces of two of the women who have taught me so much about what it means to have real "God will provide", "Satan is that the best you can do", "O death where is your sting", "This is not the end," - FAITH.

In this room, God is present - available - tangible --- right now.

and I am simply in awe of Him

and grateful for these two precious gifts.

Commitment

"I Curtis, take you Dot, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness."

There might have been a "plight thee my troth" when Curtis gave his word that he would remain faithful to his beautiful bride over 60 years ago, but whatever the words that were used that day, the man has lived out that commitment.

This picture was taken just last weekend, when Bunny and I were thrilled to see how well Dot was looking. This week has been another trial for her. She may be on her way back to the hospital tomorrow. Curtis has given of himself these past few days -spent himself - in fighting to get her cared for by the nursing home - in staying there with her sometimes over 12 hours.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Love is action.

Pray for Dot Clinard and Curtis Clinard if you would. They mean so much to us and are having such a hard time just now.

Happy Birthday To Bunny, My Love

Here's a picture of Bunny and Dot in the hospital after Bunny was born. This year's birthday isn't the happiest with Dot still recovering in the nursing home, but it was so important to Dot that she wish her daughter happy birthday that she had Bunny's dad call. There's a special bond between them and it is great to see them together - then and now.

Happy Birthday, Bunny.

"Having loved..."

We just got back from another trip to see Bunny's Mom at the nursing home in Macon. We got there at 11:59 PM Thursday night Eastern Time, and returned here at 4:30 Central time today. While we were there, Bunny went with her Mom to an appointment Friday morning at the Wound Care Center downtown near the Med Center. I drove down with her dad and Bunny rode in the van with Dot.

Then we spent the rest of the day Friday with her and some of the day today. Bunny helped her with her makeup, painted her nails... and encouraged her Mom. We even had NuWays for lunch yesterday. :)Now those are good for whatever ails you.

There's so much going on with so many decisions yet to be made concerning Dot's care. My father in law, Curtis Clinard, is one of the finest men I have ever known. He's there every day twice a day to sit with his bride. He talks at length about how much he wants her home - can tell you to the day how many days it has been since this whole sad period started. At a time in life where other men shrink in their commitments to their wives, if anything, his has grown.

Bunny is constantly thinking about her Mom, and while she is there is so focused on her that when we get back here she is drained for a day or two. Those of you that know Bunny know that she is all girl. Well, she is all that, and more. She's giving everything she has every time we go there to encourage, to help, and to serve her mom - in ways she has never done before.

When I look at those three people, I realize that so much of what I cherish is in that room. So many of the lessons of how to live the Christian life I've caught from just watching them.

Some of the translations open John 13 - the Passover meal with Jesus realizing that the disciples have either forgotten or are ignoring a pressing need to have their feet washed. It was a slave's job, really a slave third class. Jesus was there that night to share some important information with them, but He was also there to show His love.

Having loved his dear companions, he continued to love them right to the end.
John 13:1 (MSG)

"Having loved"..."he continued to love them right to the end." That's Jesus - love

I know to the depths of my soul that Bunny will do just that for her Mom and Dad.

What a blessing God gave me when He gave me Curtis, Dot, and my treasure - Bunny.

This Is Why We Go To Macon

I go to see those two smile. :)

Light up a room - yes they do. Always have, always will.

She's All That

“Honor your father and mother.
Ex 20:12 (NLT)

We got back from Macon this afternoon. Bunny tried to sleep in the back of the Kia the first couple of hours, and right now as I type this, she's been in bed an hour. She's worn out. From the moment we arrived at the hospital Thursday, to the moment when she hit the wall this morning after two days without rest and very little to eat - she gave everything she had to her mother's care. She was "broken and poured out" for her mother.

You'd have to be there to see it. And her mother is very aware IMO of just how much her daughter loves her. The change in her attitude during the course of the first 24 hours we were there was remarkable.

I'm so proud of Bunny and so grateful that God put her in my life. The last two days have been the best illustration of servanthood I have ever seen.

And I love her so.