We're headed for a breakdown

The last school year - It was the hardest 9 months of my life.

There were times I came as close to quitting as anyone possibly could. Emotionally, physically (working 80 hours a week wears you down), and mentally - the grind of trying to motivate, inspire, correct and yes teach was exhausting.

The pay is laughable. Praise or encouragement is hard to come by. The system is set up to beat you down, not build you up. Don't believe me? One of the best teachers I have ever seen did not receive a "Highly Effective" rating because she didn't preempt a student's misbehavior during an evaluation. Oh she dealt with it, but to he highly effective she needs some version of that "Inception" scope. Others reported that on one visit what they did was rated unsatisfactory and on another the same techniques were rated effective. Teachers who had taught for years effectively were genuinely concerned they might be let go. It's a new system and I know it'll get better, but it was tough.

Coming from outside and knowing nothing about what teaching really was, I got through by prayers - my own and those of others for me, by my wife's unconditional support, and by help from my colleagues.

Some of that help came from two veterans - Edie Smith, a gentle soul who taught 4th grade Math and Science, and Hal Tihart, who was the only other male classroom teacher (he taught third grade). I went to them for insight, for understanding, for direction. And each in their own way was a huge help. Both went out of their way to try to get a first year teacher through the crucible. They have my thanks, and my undying respect for what they gave to me, and what they have given to hundreds of students.

They both retired last week, victims of the changes that have come to the classroom. Neither would have left on their own. I know that because I heard it from them firsthand.

Between them they had decades of experience. And they loved teaching kids.

We're losing people in droves who remember what education really is. 

There's a breakdown coming.

Don't misunderstand me. I love teaching and am leaning forward as the winds of change blow. In many ways I'm running out front of the changes to use today's tools to help today's kids learn and grow.

But we need people who have seen these winds come and go and know what will work and what won't. We need folks who have the essence of teaching down so well that they can go where the needs are and teach whatever they need to teach. Who love the classroom and focus on seeing kids becoming what they were created to be. Who aren't interested in looking cool or being the kids' friends.

We need people who consider teaching a calling, not a job.

My fear is that they will be replaced by people on their way somewhere else. Who'll see teaching as a step on the way to other goals. Who aren't interested in investing decades of their lives to change society one child at a time.

I'll be praying I'm wrong. Please pray for those who teach.

The Story - Week 1

Week one of The Story has come and as I sit here tonight I'm grateful to God for what I saw today. People were engaged in the story of the great love of God for His penultimate creation - us. We heard some amazing things today. Some resetting of our understanding of who we are to God took place. 

Think about it.

What if the wonders of Creation we marvel over - Mt. Everest, the Serengeti, the Grand Canyon and the amazing crystal clear waters around us...

What if all of that is just a backdrop for us - God's canvas to paint His masterpiece on?

How does that make you feel, knowing that God loves you that much? YOU.

You with your failures. You with your hangups. You with your anxieties and doubts.

YOU.

And that God is RELENTLESS in His pursuit of a relationship.

He never gives up on us. NEVER.

So being reminded of that... seeing those truths sinking into the hearts of the people I so dearly love today...

To use a Biblical phrase... It was very good.

Come check out The Story with us. 31 weeks deep into God's great plan. We'll hook you up with a copy of the book and walk with you through the entire Bible. You will come out of this encouraged, strengthened in your faith, and energized to to more for God and for people.

Today's Music was great too.

We began with "I'll Fly Away" - I know, right? New Hope does Gospel. Well friends, you need to come hear how our praise team lays it out there. They could play anywhere but they play at New Hope for the glory of God. 

Then we did "Mighty To Save", "New Doxology" and a new song for us written by Laura Story named "Blessings". Our hymn of commitment was "Just As I Am."

Today was a great start to what I believe will be a life-changing experience for everyone who goes through it together.

Rollercoasters

I sat down this week and tried to find a label to find a frame to put what I've experienced this year in and after racking my brain - or what's left of it - I think roller-coaster will do.

Apparently God has chosen to place me in two situations in which you can feel like a winner or feel like a failure - and do nothing differently either time. I am living solely by faith in Him. I'm not able to make the differences I want to see happen. But He is and I am trying to live every day through His power, grace, and mercy.

Take the church situation - We continue to see God doing amazing things here. We have huge holes in many places and are a shadow of what we once were - yet God provides - God... ACTS - in ways that cannot be attributed to anything we have done. We're feeding about 130 people every week. We've seen people far from God draw near. And yet there are weeks when I prepare the same way I did for the "good years" and very few show up for worship. The feeling of failure is real to me. I defeat it with the power of prayer, the knowledge of God's absolute faithfulness and ever-abiding presence, and the companionship of my brothers and sisters at New Hope who labor with me.

Things happen. On a Wednesday night when I'm absolutely exhausted from a hard day at school with kids pressing against control and "feedback" from adults that's not uplifting (that'd be sarcasm), I rush to church to help prepare the meals for delivery. A fellow New Hope pilgrim helps me plate the meals, another has already cooked the sauce and started the water and green beans, others have affixed labels to the plates and laid them out. Another comes in and we divide the meals and leave to deliver. I come back to get more. Two people jump up and fix them and I leave again.

I finally find the home of a woman whose neighbor came to New Hope and talked to Bunny about having someone to visit her. She had moved down here from Georgia and had really hard times. She needs family/community - she needs the love of Christ. I had missed worship practice already and was about to be late for prayer. I stayed 20 minutes and listened. And prayed. And left her a meal.

Coming back, we begin our prayer and Bible study which this week centers on a comparative study of Islam. Only we never get there, as a visitor (who had been drinking "but not hard liquor") was trying to justify himself and put his girlfriend in her place. I was so proud of all the New Hope folks around that table. When the visitor tried to use the "you are judging me" card - everyone to a person acknowledged that they too were sinners saved purely by God's grace. When he argued "I know I am going to heaven" everyone rejoiced hoping that was true and refusing to box with that straw-man. We continued to talk about God's grace through Jesus and a total surrender of life to Him.

It was exhilarating.

We were who God had called us to be, doing exactly what God had placed us there to do - point to His Son and the surpassing greatness of the cross. I got to see what God has done in the hearts of the people of New Hope who I love with all my heart. They were kind, compassionate, loving, and completely grounded in the grace of Jesus Christ - and the necessity of it for everyone. I wish I had videoed it so I could have played it back for them. They were instruments of God's grace. They were agents of reconciliation. They were disciples of Jesus being true to the commandment of "love your neighbor as yourself."

It wasn't a Damascus road the man was on though. He grew frustrated with his girlfriend and really our interaction. We were not there to fight. We were there to love as Jesus loved. He wasn't ready to hear it so he left. (We are all praying he returns.) But his girlfriend came back in and stayed, opening her heart to us and admitting her need for Christ. We finished praying for/with her and I left in amazement.

Rollercoasters.

On Mother's Day

On July 15th, 1920, on the wrong side of the tracks down on Roff Avenue near "Mr Willingham's Textile Mill", a little girl was born to Henry and Bertie Bowden. Her parents were millworkers who had moved from the farm to the city in search of a better life. Each had lost a spouse to death before they met each other, and the family was a blend of Fosters and Bowdens.

The little girl grew to adulthood in that shotgun house, becoming the first of her family to get a high school diploma. During those years, she saw a sister die in a fire, a brother killed when his car stalled on the railroad tracks that ran parallel to the road. When she was 12, her father was hit by a car and died the next day. Hurt came often to Roff Avenue. The family grew tight - they had to. Somehow the widow "Bertie" raised all their kids and another couple of girls besides. Lodie was the big sister now, and she went to school and worked in the mill too. Whatever it took to help, she did.

She met a young man who lived in the same mill village, and just as World War Two began, they married. He was sent away, and in a year or so, she enlisted herself. They saw each other once during the War, in Manila.

After the war, they had both changed. Everything had.

They divorced, and then love found them again, and they remarried.

One day they got the news she was pregnant with twins. Nine months later they got the news the babies wouldn't survive. Delivered, they lived less than a week. But a couple who had seen so much pain and held so much heartache, just wouldn't give up hope. One year later, I was born - the young woman was my Mother - Lodie Marie Bowden Wilson.

She passed away in 1991 - much too soon. No other person had more influence on who I became than she.  Not one day in the years we shared on this earth did I not awake knowing that my Mother loved me deeply. We had some amazingly stubborn battles of will, but I always knew she loved me.

When you are the recipient of love, like a Mother's love, most of the time you are blind to it. Days come and go, sacrifices are made for you. Some you might realize but poorly comprehend. Others you miss completely. When your children come along, understanding does too, and then when the giver passes away, the gifts are made visible in the loss of the one who gave them. I think someone wrote "Now we see through a glass darkly..." and that is so so true.

I cannot give her anything now. All I can do is give to others as I have been given to. When I was reading Philippians one day, I came across this. Those of you who read it,  think about your life, and what someone years after you are gone will write about it in review. Will it be God-honoring? Will it be praiseworthy? What will be your legacy? Will you have pointed your family to Jesus? Can you write as Paul does here?

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:9 NIV

Remember, we love, because He first loved us.

It's called...

Grace!

Davi

Truth In Advertising

I used to work for the world's biggest advertiser. We spent more money in more ways that anyone on the planet to get our products in front of people. When you combined that with the fact that in most cases our products were the best in their particular market segment, it made for some good selling for folks like me who called on stores and warehouses. If you couldn't sell Crest toothpaste, Pepto-Bismol, Folgers coffee, Crisco, Charmin etc. with all that going for you, well... there were people waiting in line to get your job who would.

Going to a supermarket or drugstore chain headquarters I could truthfully say we had the best product with the most support for them to sell it to the consumer. There were times when I convinced the retailer to sell my product to the consumer for LESS than the retailer paid for it. Why would they do that? Because people would make a special trip to buy my product, and once they were there they would buy other items too.

Those were the days.

Now as the pastor of a church I am working on an advertisement for our local newspaper. It's been a while since we advertised at all. We preferred spending the money on orphanages, wells, water purification, or HIV meds. But we need a greater presence in the area, and we have a couple who wants to see us get that so much they have paid for the ads. So now the dilemma arises - what do we say in the ads?

Unlike in my previous advertising experience, I can not confidently say that we have the best "product with the best support." That'd be wrong in a couple of ways. I really don't want to think of what we do as a "product." And when I think of what support we have here, I think of God. We have amazingly generous people who give of their time and money sacrificially - but it's all God's time and God's money - so it doesn't feel right to brag about that. And when I look at what we have to offer, lots of churches have more.

So now what?

I think we make our case by what we do.
We admit that we are imperfect.
Incomplete.

And that we can do anything through Jesus Christ if it is His will.

I'm deeply in love with the people God has placed at New Hope and with the community God has given us to serve. I expect we'll never be everything everyone wants. I accept that I will, that we will - disappoint people.

But I will follow Jesus and encourage people in my care to do the same. We will not hoard. We will not fear or worry about the future. We will love, we will give sacrificially, we will serve the least of these.

So if you see an ad for an "Imperfect Church", come see what it looks like in person. :)

When God's Servant Is Tired

It's Sunday morning, I'm in my favorite place getting ready to do what God has called me to do. And yet I am fighting waves of feelings of unworthiness, inability, and fear. I've been preaching since 1991, so there's little reason for a sudden lack of confidence. I've been serving the people of New Hope now for 12 years, so they know me well and my strengths and weaknesses better than any group of people on earth, and they love me anyway. And I cherish them.

The irony is that I am preaching on what faith is today, out of a passage that I preached so many times when I was first starting out - filling in different churches all around Macon GA, that Bunny and Sean not only could have preached it, but they were tired of hearing it. :) I know this text and have gone to it many many times in my life to remind myself just what true faith is.

But I don't feel all that strong today. In fact I feel very weak.

I think I'm tired.

We've been in a battle to make New Hope all God wants it to be for going on two years now. There are fewer of us here, but we're doing more ministry than ever. I'm working full time at school doing the most exhausting, most demanding job I have ever had. Weekends are just that time when you catch up on what you couldn't get done during the week. And I'm tired.

I'm rereading my notes for this morning, and I wrote "Don't trust your feelings. They will lie to you. Trust in God - totally - in everything - for everything. Whether you feel like it or not."

And the Holy Spirit just rapped on my noggin to say "practice what you preach, preacher."

So that's what I'm going to do today. I am believing that God will bring strength into my weakness. I am believing that God's Holy Spirit will speak through me. I am believing that because we are here today, that God will be glorified and something significant will happen that will alter someone's life for eternity.

And I'll do all that... by faith.

Math Wizards!

Dr. Combs and one of my students who mastered her Math fundamentals.

Who knew? I decided to go all out trying to get my kids to learn their Math fundamentals, so I signed them all up for Xtramath.com and incentivized them to play it every day. I dangled candy, school store credit, and anything I could think of in front of them to get them to focus on Math which almost all of them have struggled with all year.

This student went from getting 25 out of hundred right to 100 out of 100 right in under 3 seconds for each fact - within two weeks!
Practice makes perfect!

So here she is receiving her framed certificate and a $10 gift card for Walmart from our principal Dr. Combs. Since this I have had three other kids get there - some for multiple math operations. They are about to put me in the poor house, but seeing their thrill at achieving this and the affirmation that Dr. Combs and others are giving them is defintely worth it. I hope it carries into FCAT testing next week.

Teachable Moments

It was the Friday before our week of state high-stakes testing called the FCAT. The pressure on kids and teachers was building minute by minute it seemed. The kids know that the tests decide whether they pass or not. The teachers know that the desire or lack of it to pass, the way the children might feel, or any number of factors they can't control might literally cost them their career. So the anxiety builds day by day.

We try to lower it through thorough preparation - through encouragement and praise. We test to find out where the weaknesses are and we teach and reteach. It's systematic and professional. We're told - and we hope that pre-work - will be effective. But there are certain things that go beyond that. There are moments when teaching happens - really happens. One of those occurred yesterday.

Every morning, I have the kids do an opening activity. It can be a few math problems, a topic to research quickly on the PCs, or a short one page story to read and answer questions on. The idea is to help build skills over time. Recently one of the best teachers I know sent my the worksheets she uses. They have a fact about each weekday on them and have been well received by the kids.

Well yesterday in was about Apollo 13's "Houston we have a problem."

I had other work scheduled for the first hour of the day after they completed the task. But they kept asking me questions about the worksheet.

So I went to the PC and found the clip from the movie, and Tom Hanks captivated them.

More questions shot out, so I found a National Geographic clip with the actual film of the astronauts and support people explaining what it was like - punctuated with the real film of the events as them happened. At various points I'd stop and ask and answer questions, relating them to what we had learned this year.

Jim Lowell had to hand input the coordinates at one point to ensure the spacecraft was aimed at the right point. Off one way and they'd shoot past Earth into space. An error the other way would mean their death as they burned up in Earth's atmosphere. Lowell did the calculations as we watched. It was Math we had practiced the day before.

Then he asked Houston to check his work. Like we do.

That sort of thing went on for 30 minutes. At the end of the film, when the astronauts splashed down safely, the kids clapped.

And I asked them "Did you see Jim Lowell do that Math?" "When do you think he learned that?

4th grade.

"Do you think it mattered whether he had worked hard and learned all he could in fourth grade?" "Do you think it could matter whether you work hard for me while you are in the classroom?"

One child said "It sure could. They could have died if he had goofed off in school."

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wrapped it up reminding them how proud I was of them, of how hard they had worked, and how I knew they were going to ROCK the FCAT. Then it was time to leave for PE and they were out the door.

Teaching. It happens sometimes. :)

The Silence of Saturday Before Easter

"It's over." "He's gone."

We miss it almost every year. We forget that the people we read about in the accounts of the events that make up Easter weekend even had a Saturday filled with nothing more than grief, loss, and crushing doubt. The day before they saw their worst nightmares come true before their eyes. Everything they had given three years of their lives to - the central pivot point to every step they made - was dead and buried.

They shared one of the questions that dog us even today - What now?

Some are paralyzed with grief and become almost catatonic, unable to do anything at all. Loss does that.

You lose a family member that has always "been there for you." Now you and the rest of the family have to figure out how to relate to each other - how to live as a family.

You lose a  job that provided for your family, and gave you satisfaction and a sense of identity - is lost. Now you are dealing with a pack of howling doubts about how you are going to make it, and even whispers asking who are you and are you capable of getting another job. The tightness in your throat, the rumbling in your stomach just won't go away. And your family is looking at your for guidance and for security.

Others make peace with the loss and move on, doing what they believe they should do. Little noted in the accounts of the days of Easter are the women who went shopping on Saturday for the spices they'd use to make sure Jesus' body was prepared to the max. If they couldn't change the past, they'd be found faithful with what they could do.

That's living on Saturday, isn't it. The Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.

Living in the fellowship of suffering.

So let's embrace it for what it can teach us about God and His relationship with those who love Him.

First, let's eliminate the biggest fear. God is not dead, He is not asleep, He isn't pretending not to notice our pains and sorrows. We might think so based on what we've seen happen, but if Easter teaches us anything, it should be that God is always at work - even when we can't see Him.

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
Deut 31:6 (NLT) BTW, that's repeated in Hebrews 13 as well.

So God is at work, then what is this experience designed to do? Well, what were we told about faith?
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Heb 11:1 (NLT)

Listen - I've been there and done this too many times. When the storms come, you have to move toward a deeper understanding and practice of your faith. You have to put your fears and doubts behind you and use them as a push to go farther. It's NOT EASY. You might say "I can't do it." And really, many of us can't.

But GOD can.  - your absence of what it took created the perfect opportunity for the Holy Spirit to work in and through you. God showed up BIG TIME that first Easter weekend, and His power is available to you today. 


Resurrection power.

Think about it. Pray about it.

Then go out and live an Easter life no matter what day it is.

Because the believer in Jesus knows life's greatest secret.

It may be Saturday - but Sunday's coming.

We all need people

36 Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.”37 He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed.38 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matt 26:36-38 (NLT)

It's hard.

Hard to admit you need help.

Not help moving, or "show me how you...", or "can you loan me $20?" help.

Help with your heart. Help with making it through.

They taught me in seminary about the so-called "ministry of presence." I can remember at the time, filled with all the hubris a new pastor could have, thinking I could go into the hard places, tough situations, and bring a "word" that would almost certainly help. In no way would I ever say that the Word can't make a difference, but there are times when words - our words - fail.

There have been times in my life when it felt as if I would slip under the waves of sorrow. Reaching out, I'd only grasp more pain.

And into those places came people who loved me and cared enough to draw near.

I cannot imagine how Jesus must have felt. Just thinking about it brings me to tears. To read that the most loving and joyful person who has ever lived was "anguished and distressed" and felt crushed by grief makes me feel the shame that the reason in part He had to endure it was my sinfulness.

We need each other. To divide the sorrows and multiply the joy.

Come and join us as we mourn tomorrow night.

Come join us as we rejoice Easter Sunday.

On the good days

Was just sitting here while  the TV plays in the background and thinking about music for Easter Sunday, our Good Friday service, my teaching portfolio and the papers on the couch next to me that need to be graded - almost simultaneously - and not making progress on any of them. Had a tough day at school on the heels of a roller coaster ride yesterday with church and if you pressed me, I'd describe the way I feel right now as "weary."

On the good days, preaching and teaching are two of the most rewarding things I can ever imagine doing.

You get a front row seat. How cool is that?

Things happen in the lives of people that literally change them and the trajectory of their lives forever. You are right there when it happens. When they "get it" and when they "get Him."

On the good days.

On the other days people refuse to listen, choose not to care, put themselves above everything and everyone despite everything you try. Sometimes they'll even drag others with them away from where they know they need to go. It happens. No matter what you do.

The veteran pastor is now telling the first year teacher to give it away to God and go back to school tomorrow believing that someone's life will change. He ought to know after years of seeing people rise and fall, grow close to Jesus and fade away. You do all you can, every time you can, and you trust God.. You believe, even though you cannot see. You have faith.

Good days or bad days, you have faith, because He is good.

"In this life you will have trouble. But take heart, for I have overcome the world."

Thank you Jesus.

Veni, Vidi, Vici

They say Julius Caesar fought a very short war in Turkey and when someone asked him about it, he very uncharacteristically (Caesar liked to hear himself talk) quipped "Veni, Vidi, Vici" - "I came, I saw, I conquered." They threw a Triumphant Parade for Caesar when he came home.

They threw one for Jesus too.

We are on the cusp of a very special week as I write this. Sunday will begin Holy Week in Christian churches all around the globe. In thousands of languages and dialects, the story of Jesus' Passion will be told. Don't miss it. Give your time and attention to this week and use it to regain your focus on what really matters. Palm Sunday is a day of beginnings.

John 12:17-19 (Msg) The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus from the tomb, raising him from the dead, was there giving eyewitness accounts. [18] It was because they had spread the word of this latest God-sign that the crowd swelled to a welcoming parade. [19] The Pharisees took one look and threw up their hands: "It's out of control. The world's in a stampede after him."

If Gallop, Barna, or Harris had taken a poll, Jesus would have been proclaimed king in a landslide that Palm Sunday, as even his enemies admitted that His popularity was at an all time high. People thronged to see Him enter Jerusalem. But within a few days, people in Jerusalem were crying for Him to be executed as a criminal. And so He was. How did Jesus handle not just a change in popularity, but intense rejection? How can we learn from what He did?

Now we'll never enter Jerusalem at the head of thousands of our followers. But we enjoy being praised, and we like being liked. What happens to our convictions when we aren't? How do we handle it when our beliefs are opposed, ignored, or even ridiculed?

What principle can we look at to guide our way?

Well what did Jesus do?

John 12:27-28 (Msg)
"Right now I am storm-tossed. And what am I going to say? 'Father, get me out of this'? No, this is why I came in the first place. [28] I'll say, 'Father, put your glory on display.' "

Knowing that this celebration would end, and that the week would find Him bruised, battered, and crucified, Jesus looked not to His circumstances for direction, but to God. He didn't put a finger into the wind. He didn't take a poll. He didn't ask His friends.

He went to God the Father. It was God's will that He used like a homing beacon. It was His passion to please God and glorify His name that kept Him going. And it was His love for the Father that drove Him to the cross.

What are you here for?

Glorifying God. That's why you were placed here in the first place.

Take the next week and use it to redirect your focus off the things of this life. Use the lens of Jesus' Passion to help you push toward deeper things - toward God. People aren't going to always be cheering your efforts you know. Sometimes you will miss that shot at the buzzer. Sometimes you'll dribble off your foot.

But God will always be in your cheering section, encouraging you. The cheering may stop here, but heaven will raise a ruckus when you come home. Jesus came. He saw our needs. And He conquered death.

That's Grace!

Cleaning Up Everything But the Memories

 

Well, it finally happened. Those of you who know me well will laugh (maybe even out loud) when I write that I cleaned up my office this week. No, not the one at church - that's a national treasure trove - but the one here at home is almost organized. It was time and I had time.

In the process I found a lot that I needed to keep.

Some of the things, like my Mother's New Testament that she carried during World War 2, or the picture of my friend Henley the Great Dane, I keep close to me always. But as I waded through the bits and pieces of literally a couple of years, I found a lot that made me think - that made me remember times both good and bad.

I found the note from the bank that precipitated the crisis but turned out to be only the tip of the iceberg we had struck. I laughed quietly thinking about how bravely I went to the people of New Hope and said "We have an opportunity to see God do the impossible." We committed ourselves to pray and to trust our God to provide.

And He did.

It didn't rain manna. No waters parted. But notes began arriving from people - some who had never attended New Hope - and many who had. The notes had checks from Maryland, Alaska, Tennessee, Alabama, Arkansas, Texas, Georgia, Florida, even Nigeria. Miracles every one. Answers to prayer.

As I found each envelope, I stopped and took a moment to remember the people who sent them, and thanked God again for every one of them. One note said to wait a couple of days before depositing the check as the funds had not been transferred yet. I wondered if someone tapped their 401K or emergency savings to help a church they used to be a member of (and are still a part of ) make it through. Other notes asked about how Bunny and I were doing. The crazy thing is that we knew that the situation was perilous, but we believed that no matter what, God was on our side. Even if New Hope ceased to exist, and we had to find a way to make a living and learn to live without our friends of almost 13 years, God could be trusted. He was good. He is good.

Friends, you have never truly lived out your faith until you are on that tightrope. No skill can save you. Nothing can get you over except God.

He did.

And He still is.

The Beast

The beast in me is caged by frail and fragile bars.

Johnny Cash

We watched "Walk the Line" years ago and were moved by the story and began to appreciate Johnny Cash more. Johnny Cash was one of those things that you take for granted growing up, assuming that they will always be there. Now he's not. Just when the world realized what a treasure we had, he left for heaven. His video of "Hurt" filmed in the months before he died was the most raw video I have ever seen. It was like seeing poetry, art, drama, and music pressed into one. Sitting like Solomon writing "all is vanity," Cash showed us just what "vanity" looked like.

He was a man who had horrendous flaws in his character. And he didn't excuse them away. His understanding led him to turn away from his strength - that frail and fragile strength - to search for something more than fame and success. He turned to faith in Jesus.

Funny thing was, he once had been a regular attender at church. It was easy. "You went every week, put in your time, and went home. But nothing changed. You still lived the same way during the week."

It wasn't until Johnny had almost lost it all and had contemplated taking his own life - that He and God "got back together."

"How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell. There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man."
Johnny Cash

Thank God that Johnny was able to have the time he needed to come home - to get off the fence and leave that chasm behind forever. There must be millions though who are still stuck there.

We saw a man dressed in black. And yet, inside him, was the Light.


Eugene Peterson's Message Bible gives us this version of an awesome piece of Scripture. Just a scrap, really. But as I sit here and think about my own walk with God- as I sit among tokens of both failure and success - I realize again just how far God had to reach to save me.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. 2 Corinthians 4:7 - The Message

Friends, it's never too late to let God take over. Incomparable power is there if you'll just let go, seek forgiveness, and turn toward God. For me, it was a life saver. It could be for you too.

A Good Place To Be What God Wants You To Be

I'm sitting in the lobby here at New Hope Baptist Valparaiso. 


In front of me is a bulletin board filled with faces of kids people in our congregation sponsor around the world. You can do this! Check out Compassion, World Vision, or Amazima.


To my left are bags made by women in Africa that we sell to help give them better lives. Check out Africabags.org


There's a banner from Soles4Souls, Inc., flyers from The Water Project who we've helped drill wells - our congregation exists to love God and love people - all over the world. 


I was sitting here thinking about how instead of asking for money to pay salaries, or build bigger buildings-instead of  asking people to give to help New Hope - Bunny and I field calls from people asking "what do you need?" and we spend most of our time during the announcements telling people how to send their money away to other ministries who we feel God has His hand on.


We're delivering over a 100 meals in our city now every week. It's totally an act of God's provision. Totally.


And we should thank Him every day for the privilege of seeing Him at work in such a clear and present way.


If you want to learn how to be a giver and live a generous life - this is a place that will teach you how and give you a chance to make a difference. If you need to "be fed" you probably can find a place on every corner.


But if you want to feed people - if you want to feed the Spirit of Christ in you by service and sacrifice?


Come and see.

Rubber, Meet Road

When I looked at this week's Scripture, I knew that all I had to do was get out of God's way and let the Scripture speak. It's a very counter-cultural message. The world tells you to live for today. Christ calls us to die to self and forsaking all else - follow Him.



We spend so much of our lives and lead our children and others to do it as well - on things that really don't matter. Day after day, we make decisions about how to spend our time, what priorities to set, how to use our resources. Then we get to the end of our days and realize that we have reaped what we have sowed.

We have to make the decision in advance to give our lives away. A few years ago in Iraq, two Marines were sent out to man a guard post on the main access point into a base at Ramadi. They met that morning for the first time. One was from the barrio the other from Long Island. They probably got their orders from their SGT in typical Marine  fashion. "You know what to do now go do it."

They did.

When did they make that decision?

When they swore to protect and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

How did they prepare for that day?

By living a life of sacrifice, dedication and commitment every single day.

The motto is Semper Fidelis - Always faithful - not sometimes faithful - when I feel like being faithful - when it doesn't fall in conflict with band, or baseball, or soccer, or Nascar, or the beach, or what someone thinks is important.

The law of sowing and reaping isn't up for debate. It isn't going to change.

You only get one chance at life.

You only get one shot as a Dad or a Mom to parent a child in the way God would have you do it. They look to you to learn what really matters in this life. And yet we worry more over how they are doing in school, in sports or some other earthly pursuit than we do about the most critical question of life - are they a disciple of Jesus? Ultimately that's all that matters. And most of us would give lip service to that, but day after day, week after week we keep sowing to the world and not to eternity and then we're amazed when our projected future turns out so differently.

I've been a pastor for a long time now.

Believe me when I tell you, I've seen the results of sowing the wrong seeds.

Don't waste your life.

Plant it deep in Jesus.

Fast friends

These two just met each other.

One of the girls was new to us yesterday - a transfer from another school in the district. They are new to the laptops too.

The laptops were a donation from a person who is both retired military and a retired teacher who has children serving now. I've received 4 so far and I am so thankful for them. When I posted about what I wanted to do in my classroom on an IBM Thinkpad forum, they responded with "what do you need?"

My immediate answer was more technology - specificially - laptops. And they came. So generous. We're so grateful.

The district provides 3 desktops for a classroom. We now can have up to 8 kids on at one time with the laptops that have been donated and if I let them use mine.

They are setting up their avatars for a math game that every student seems to be crazy about. Math. Crazy about. They can drill against the computer and every play each other online. Why there was even a rumor that one of the junior math wizards beat the teacher... twice. Hand eye coordination skillset is strong in that one.

Amazing what good technology can do. If I was able to get every kid engaged at the same time... :)

The FCAT is coming in April and my kids started the year behind. They won't finish there.

Too much to say and too little time to say it

I know, I know - I haven't been writing as frequently as I once did. To think that this is the same guy who wrote a devotional every day for years and then to now look and see how little I write - life changes have grabbed a lot of the reflective time from me that fuels my writing. So many days now are just a blur- the feeling is like when as a kid you were on that playground device that you and several others sat on and pulled a bar at the top and pushed one at your feet - spinning wheel that went round so fast you'd get dizzy - that's the sum of almost every day.

I'm out the door around 6:15 and at work a few minutes later, then home around 5. We greet and eat and then I might chill for a little while, but then the grind of grading papers or planning for the next day just snatches the minutes until it's time for bed. Rinse, wash, and repeat. Except Friday when Bunny and I can enjoy some down time. Saturday is the get it done day and then that evening it is sermon finishing time.

Wednesdays are super, super long for Bunny who is cooking the meals that I'll help pack and sometimes deliver later in the evening with our New Hope friends. When I went to work at school I was cooking for 75 people. Well now we deliver more than that each week. She works all day long here at the house doing that and getting the music ready for the praise team practice at 5:30. Then she teaches piano, comes home, turns around, and comes back to New Hope for the practice and stays after that to teach New Hope's girls.

It's a lot.

So when we get home, more often than not she'll go to bed at 8:30 and I'll work for another hour or so and follow. Up at 5 again for Thursday and whatever it may bring.

So I want to write. I really really do.

But ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sunday

It's Sunday!

Due to the jumbled and chaotic nature of life since school started and I started teaching, I appreciate the weekends more than I ever have. Friday is joy because I get to spend the weekend with my wife. For so many years we were almost always together during the day as I worked at home and then we both headed to church - for her to teach piano and for me to catch up with things I couldn't do here - so the separation of 9-12 hours a day is very different. When Friday afternoon comes, I spend some time reflecting on the week, make some preliminary plans, clean up a little - and I'm headed home.

Then Saturday comes and we usually have things to do that we couldn't get to during the week. Yesterday it was more of a rest day, but Bunny did have me outside helping as she cut some plants back. And of course we went to Walmart. Every Saturday ends with me working on the PowerPoint for the message I'll give the next day. We've been examining the Letter to the Galatians and I'm pumped to continue that today.

This week started poorly with feelings of frustration and doubt. But it ended at school with a group of kids who made progress in every area. Praise God! We said goodbye Friday to one child whose family is moving overseas. He walked up and out of the blue gave me a hug and said "I don't want to leave this class Mr.Wilson." I offered to swap with him, (since my wife and I would love to go where he is going) and he laughed and was fine. He'll do well. When I sat them all down Tuesday to tell them that our Monday wasn't our best and we talked about how we could make it better - when they pledged to follow our procedure on raising hands before speaking, he had said "We'll do better Mr.Wilson. You have my word." That young man is being taught honor and integrity at home. I will miss him. You know I'll never forget these kids.

To teach is to take on responsibility for someone else - not just in the ways that are scrutinized with standardized testing or wrung out in the grind of worksheets, quizzes, and practice. To teach is to shepherd, to pastor, to love and care for, to lead and guide toward progress in learning and growing. There are very few waking hours that I do not think about my two flocks. New Hope - my first love and primary calling - captures my heart every day as I think about the people there, those we've scattered who have moved away, and those we minister to and are trying to reach. We're up to 75 meals delivered each week and are about to go to 85 since we had none to leave for the fire department and police last Wednesday. That's not good, since those two serve us all here and deserve everything we can do to serve them, but especially since we found out that the police have been taking some of the food we leave them and feeding some homeless people camping out in a tent on a vacant lot. It's amazing that we can see God at work in visit after visit as we serve our neighborhood "least of these."

So it's Sunday and I'm going to go to New Hope and see my friends and co-laborers for the gospel. We're going to sing like there's no tomorrow - even though our tomorrows are secure in Jesus. The pastor is going to do his best to let God be God and let the Spirit speak through Scripture. We will all be in the presence of God.

And a new week, filled with the love and grace of our God who is staggeringly, amazingly, lovingly - GOOD - will remind us all again of just how blessed we truly are. This evening I'll be in lesson plan and grading papers mode, getting ready to see just how far we can go in the week to come. Knowing that prayers of my fellow believers go with me makes a huge difference. Thank you so much for them and for your encouragement. As I tell my kids "we'll get there." :)

Not A Good Day

"Some days are diamonds, and some days are stones..."

Double heaping serving of the latter please, with sprinkles of bitter disappointment.

Very tough day at school as the kids were extremely hard to keep focused and on task. They seemed to pull out all the tricks - well some of them did anyway. I got them to the end of the day but was exhausted, disappointed in myself, and still had tutoring to do.

Highlights:
"word expanding" exercise - they rocked it. They came up with words that weren't even in the list I had.
Having one boy who doesn't work much if I'm not on him - work all day.
Hearing a child care about another that doesn't get along with them. Ray of hope?

Lowlights:
9 minutes into the day one girl starts running it with another. 9 minutes in. The girl pulled every dramatic trick in her bag today. Amazing.
Having to prod, push, cajole, and move the kids to do the work all day long.
Realizing that I must not have explained well enough or produced compelling enough lessons because they can't all be "off" that much in one day.

Came home and dumped a load of all that on someone I love who is still hurting from her loss, yet still giving everything she has to her students, to New Hope, and to me, and thereby making her day worse. Then tried to get a head start on tomorrow at school and do some soul work - prayer and Bible study. Got convicted of just how awful a sinner I was today. Sigh...

I thank God for grace and forgiveness because I'm needing both tonight.

Thankful His mercies are new every morning and calling this day over and  done.

Pray for me, that I would live my faith out better tomorrow than I did today.