I Didn't Know Her, But I Know Jesus

In a little while, I'll be speaking at a memorial service for someone I didn't know. It happens more often than you'd think. In such cases, I go into it hoping to be able to be God's agent of comfort and healing. In doing that though, I don't try to make the departed something they were not, and I also don't pull out my magic judgment glasses and pronounce them  "In" or "Out."

What I want to do, is be like Jesus, who was able to love people so deeply and so well that they heard who He was and felt to the core of their being that in Him was hope, and a life without Him was hopeless.

So here is the message I'll bring today. Maybe there's someone else who needs to come home.

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley,[1] I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Psalms 23:1-6 (NLT)

That psalm is probably the most often read Scripture at times like this. It has brought comfort to untold numbers of people in its simplicity. It was written by David. King of Israel when he was an old man looking back over his life. And what a life it was. He was a man loved by God, but a murderer and an adulterer. He had all sorts of family issues. 

But at the end, he paused to reflect and remember that he was loved and that he had hope beyond the grave. I thought it was fitting that we begin with that.

We’re here today to pause, reflect, and remember the all too brief life of Cheryl Agerton. You’ve taken the time to be here, which leads me to believe, even if you are still hurting, angry, or discouraged, that you want to hear that there is hope and healing – that it is possible to get to a place of peace, even in a devastating loss for which there are few answers and many questions. For my part, I am a follower of Jesus Christ – a Christian, and a pastor. I cannot hurt for you, but I can hurt with you. I cannot answer all your questions, but I can point you to One who can.

So let’s take a moment and pause our “whys” to focus on Cheryl’s life.

From what I was given, Cheryl was born on June 9^th, 1974 in Ft. Walton Beach Florida and given the name Cheryl Diane Agerton. Until the last few months of her life, she lived here in the area, growing up around the beautiful bayous, bays, and beaches of this blessed Emerald Coast. One constant reminder among those I was given was to mention just how much Cheryl loved the water. I was told that she loved going to Turkey Creek or even just to sit down the way on John Sims behind Badcock at water’s edge and just enjoy it.

Let me read what Nancy wrote about her best friend

It’s echoed again here in what another person wrote.

Two things in common in both of those – Cheryl was loved for who she was, and both of them hope to see her again. Push “pause” on that last one for a minute and we’ll come back to that. But weren't those both wonderful testimonies from people who cared for Cheryl? I’m sure others might be able to say the same.

Cheryl was blessed with four children, Austin, Anthony, Valerie, and Elizabeth, and a grandson, Bentley.

While we’re “pausing” here to remember and reflect, we ought to admit that Cheryl’s relationships with her children weren’t everything they could have been. We’re not here to pass judgment on that, or on her. But at times like this, it is a good time for those left behind to examine their own actions, feelings, and convictions to see if they pass the test. I truly believe that while many of us focus on stuff like jobs, or possessions, or even having everything our own way, that once the opportunity to change them is taken away by death and the ability to see them from another perspective is given us – most of us would make changes – some of them major changes – in the way we had lived. It’s too late for Cheryl to make it right. But it’s not too late for you.

Once Cheryl was told she had cancer, and that it was almost certainly terminal, she made some changes immediately. She left her beloved bayous and beaches and headed for Oklahoma, which by the way is not known for either bayous or beaches. What was the attraction there? One of the most powerful words any human being can use and one of the greatest feelings any of us can have.

Hope.

1: to desire with expectation of obtainment

2: to expect with confidence : trust

Cheryl went to Oklahoma in the hope that her cancer might be cured. She did whatever they told her to do out there, and they did everything that medically could be done. We’re here today at her memorial service so its obvious that the medical option did not work.

There was, and is, another option however.

Now I am about to head into deep waters here, and I’ve already been admonished that too much “God talk” might not be appropriate given Cheryl’s life as you knew it here. But folks, look around. We’re not at the DAV, the American Legion, the Elks, or the bar. We’re here in a building set aside to gather in and worship God, not so we can feel better about ourselves, but so we can learn to love others as much as Jesus does. We do not come here to learn new ways to throw stones at others. We come here to learn how to give our lives away to others because of our love for God.

Quite frankly I didn’t know Cheryl, but even if I had known her from birth, and knew everything possible about her life, I would not presume to judge her.

We believe here in a God of second chances, who possesses the ability to know everything about us, our open rebellion, our inherent stubbornness, our secret and not so secret disobedience, and yet pursues us relentlessly with His offer of forgiveness and peace with Him if we will only admit our sin, turn away from it, and accept forgiveness through belief in His Son Jesus as the One who saves us. 

We here have all sinned – and do sin. But we here have been forgiven. And we don’t base that on a feeling, or how many times we come here, how much we give, or whether our Aunt, Grandmother, or Grandfather was religious. We base that on God’s Word.

Here at New Hope, we root for people to be changed. We cheer on each other as we imperfectly try to live out what we believe. And here at New Hope we hope and pray that every person receives the gift of forgiveness and the comfort and peace of eternity with Jesus in heaven when they die. We’re in good company with that since that’s why Jesus came.

16 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17 (NLT)

So Jesus didn’t come to point fingers, but to offer a hand to pull whoever would take hold of it, to lift them to rescue.

And there was nothing any of us did to deserve that.

11 We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 15:11 (NLT)

So we hold to the faith that changed this world forever. Love God with all your heart, mind, body and soul, and love other people.

And that message is the very message about faith that we preach:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.11 As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced. ”12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him.13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:8-13 (NLT)

Now before I go on, if anyone that still remains here that does not want to hear such “God talk”, I guess I’d want to ask “why?” Why wouldn’t you want to hold onto the hope that you would see your loved one again? Why would you close your mind and heart to even the possibility that I and billions of other people who follow Jesus and trust him might have stumbled into the greatest gift ever? 

If what I believe is not true, nothing has changed about what will happen when I die. But if it is true, as I believe with my whole heart, then the door was open for Cheryl, and it is open for you.

I reminded you of what you already knew a minute ago. Cheryl’s hope in a medical cure proved not to be effective. And I was concerned going into my conversation with the family the other day that when the medical option failed, Cheryl was out of options for eternity.

But Thelma told me that once Cheryl arrived in Oklahoma, not only did she grab hold of the possibility of hope that medicine might cure her, she also began attending church with some folks out there.  And again, I have no way of verifying this, but Thelma tells me that Cheryl became a child of God. That's a reason to celebrate and to give thanks to the God who pursued her all the days of her life.

He never gives up on anyone, no matter what. I’m hoping to meet Cheryl one day in heaven and hear about how all that worked out. As I said earlier, there’s no way for Cheryl to go back and live her life over again. What she did, she did. If you were blessed by her life, then hold onto those blessings. If you were hurt though, you need to find hope yourself so you can let those hurts go.

There’s still time. Come home. Turn away from this world and the way you have lived, and turn to Jesus and a new way of living. Trust Him as the One who will save you from yourself.  Be born again.

Funeral Message for George Crain

To be asked to help a family through their time of grief is one of the parts of my role as pastor that I appreciate the most. In those times, I can watch as the love of Christ makes a real difference in the way they view not just their loved one's passing, but their own mortality. Most of the funerals I am asked to do are for people I know well. But occasionally, through the relationships within our congregation, I am asked to speak a word about the lives of those I did not really know well.

I had met George a couple of times at weddings, and visited him in the hospital once after a stroke. But it was through his daughter and to a lesser extent the rest of the family that I was able to piece together what I wrote below. My goal is to help the family through this stage of grief in a way that spotlights the love of God and that offers that love to all who are assembled.

I hope that's what this does. -

George Crain

Born in 1942, in the middle of a war, to parents who had seen another War and the depression that followed it. Born into an area that back then was wildly different than what we know now. A hard place to make a living. Pine trees, mullet, yellow flies. A long way in between paved roads –or neighbors for that matter.

His brother Doyle could probably fill me in more on what it was like. But something held them here, and they’re still here. And George’s body will be laid to rest in the same native soil he lived his life on.

If you have watched the pictures slide by on the screen you’ve seen a young man alone, a young Marine, a young husband, a father, a grandfather, a great grandfather.

Pictures don’t tell the whole story though. But I suppose that’d be hard to get on a screen. When Pam was listing all the jobs her dad had over the years (including one working out a little time at Eglin) I was amazed. Truck driver, salesman, offshore, fisherman, handyman, carpenter - I wanted to ask “so exactly what didn’t he wind up doing?” Would be a very interesting resume to read, I’d expect. “Whatever he put his mind to do, he could do.” That’s quite a statement and carries a lot of respect behind it.

Being a carpenter comes highly recommended in some circles I’m very familiar with. Working with wood teaches you a few things that turn out to be very handy.
For example wood doesn’t cut itself. It takes someone picking up a tool and applying it. And not just hacking at it anywhere. Real carpenters and tradesmen look at shade tree folks like me when we pick up a hammer and can tell at a glance that they’ve forgotten more about building than I’ve ever known. There’s simple, and there’s simple.

Hunting and fishing, two of the other things George loved are the same way. You can go out to Bass ProShop and buy everything you need to be on the pro Tour, or get your name on the wall at Remington – but get on the water, or in the woods, and all that equipment is a poor substitute for real knowledge. A real outdoorsman like George, who treated nature not just as a place of escape, but almost as a sanctuary, would have you labeled as a wannabe pretty quick. There’s a big difference between fishing for fun and fishing because that’s your livelihood too. But fishermen learn some skills. Determination. Patience. Not a wonder then that when Jesus started His ministry, He didn’t go to that century’s Harvard to staff it. He went to the water. To the docks. To men who knew that simple work requires more than most people realize.

Pretty interesting life. Good times, bad times, in between times as a man worked through his trials. Win some, you lose some, but they all shape you, don’t they? They all make up a life. We can sit here today and project what we would have done. But we weren’t him. There was only one George Crain.

So trying to sum up the life of the man whose body lies here before us isn’t easy. What sort of impact did he make? How did he use the gift of life that God gave?

As far as impact, some of that is obvious, and some isn’t. Maybe you get that strong chin from him or the color of your eyes. Or maybe you get a love for the outdoors or an appreciation of the little things. And it’s possible that some of you were affected by what he did to do something else. To use what he did as a spur to your own life – to do things differently. To make different choices.

But you were affected.

So as you look back over this man’s 66 years of life, try to remember that.

One of the messages that I try to lead people to every year about this time is that God is not impressed with what we wear, or what we drive, or where we live. What God’s really dialed into is reality. To honesty. To humility.

It shows up here in His Word, where God – in trying to deal with a stubborn nation of Israel that has tried to redefine every guideline he’s ever given them into their way of living instead of His – He finally says this:

8 The LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8 (NLT)
Some of us try from time to time to portray God’s way as impossibly complex. We tell ourselves no one could know what to do to please Him, so we do our own thing. But that sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?
The same sort of plain talk shows up in the words of a man who knew his way around a carpenter’s shop.
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matt 22:37-40 (NLT)
Those are the blueprints of what God expects from the people who call Him theirs. Sure there is a lot more here in the Bible, but at the foundation, living a life that God honors is that simple. Love God. Do what’s right. Care about people. Don’t get stuck on yourself.

To even be trusted to do that though, we have to learn to deal with reality.

Here’s reality. We’re all messed up – every one of us. George was – I am – you are. We’re stained by sin – by our refusal to do what God has set out as what’s right. Rich, poor, black – white, young - old, male – female, we are all flawed by our innate, inbred desire to have our own way.

That’s just the way it is. The Bible says “All have sinned and fallen short of the love of God.”

But we can take comfort today that even though God knows us as we are, we can also know God and find forgiveness through His son Jesus Christ.

We can take comfort for today and the days to come in that. Jesus said:

1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. John 14:1 (NLT)

Friends, today is just one day on the journey. For most of you, the grief you feel now won’t end here. There will still be “those days” when it’s hard. And it’s not that it gets easier, but you get better at letting God’s love in. Whether that’s in the stillness of the night when you’re awakened and remember your loss, or at family gatherings when it’s apparent just by looking around that George is no longer with you. You’ll need God. You’ll need each other. I can promise you that God will never leave you. He said that.

But it’s up to you to work on the family part of that plan.

And as we look ahead, considering that the certainty that one day we will be as George is, it is a comfort to know that Jesus will be ready to receive us.

2 There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? 3 When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. John 14:2-3 (NLT)

We may look at the end of a life and be unprepared for that end. In fact some mentioned to me yesterday that even with all of George’s health problems that his death came as a shock. It might have been a shock here on earth, but not to God. The Bible tells us that our days are numbered like the hairs on our heads.

Jesus has done all that is needed to prepare for our relocation. The question is, have we?

Jesus goes on to say this: 4 And you know the way to where I am going.”5 “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?”6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. John 14:4-6 (NLT)

To accept Jesus’ offer of freedom from guilt and sin means we reach out to Him by admitting what everyone including ourselves already knows. We need help. So we agree with God that it will take an act of God to make all of us, who are so wrong – right.

An act of God is exactly what Jesus life, death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead was.

It was the act of a God who believes that you are worth dying for. Jesus shoved open the door to real life for everyone who believes in Him. I have to ask you – do you believe in Him?

Are you a follower of Jesus? A Christian?

I was thinking about that last week when we visited a nursing home. So many people up there who have lived full lives but because their minds are now clouded, can’t express to anyone who they really are. Whether they are a believer or not. It’s too late for them.

So what about this. If we all took out a sheet of paper. 26 lines on most I think. If we wrote at the top “I believe” and then wrote our name, then finished with “is a Christian”

How many of us could get 26 signatures?

It’d be wonderful, wouldn’t it, if we lived the kind of life where our family, our friends, our neighbors and coworkers would line up to sign. Yes, he lived like I could see Jesus living. He loved God and people.

It would be great.

But what we see isn’t what God sees. And at the end of the day, the only writing any of us needs is our names written on that great ledger in heaven – the Book of Life. So if you are here today and do not know the peace that comes from knowing God, I urge you to open your heart to His love, and surrender your life to His will.

We are trusting today in the love of God. Who knew George far better than any of us.

In a God Who keeps His promises to us. In a time like this, we can find hope in that.

Jesus said this:

38 For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.39 And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them up at the last day.40 For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.”
John 6:38-40 (NLT)

Friends, George’s time here has passed, and his life returned to the One who gave it. His place in eternity is fixed for all time. Is yours?

Let’s pray.

Funeral Message for Viola Phelps

Just a note - I'm posting this here for two reasons. First so that the family can read what I said that day, and second so I could give an example of what I'd do with a limited amount of time and an incomplete knowledge of the person whose funeral you are asked to participate in. I only knew Viola for a short period of time, so what I shared came from what I gleaned from others and from our one substantive interaction.

Her former pastor had the lead role in this, so my remarks were brief and his were more personal and more targeted to inviting others to accept Christ. My theme was "with". My hope was to weave their understanding of what it meant to be with Viola and what God says about who will be with Him.

With

I’ve really enjoyed meeting all the family this week. Putting faces to the names I’ve heard Evelyn and Viola say has been neat. Watching you all relate when you were together last night - it was clear you were a family. That you were pretty comfortable WITH each other.

You know that’s becoming increasingly difficult to find today. We rush around getting stuff done at such a pace that it is tough for us, unless something like today makes us stop – it’s just tough for us to make time to be WITH each other.

And yet that little word WITH – really matters.

Think about it with me for a moment. We are here today because while Viola was WITH us, she added something very special to our lives. An ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, some to multiply laughter and halve our sorrows. She had a heart to encourage us, and a hope and a faith to share with us.

WITH US

You know that God thinks a lot of that word WITH as well. In Deuteronomy 31:8 and again in Hebrews 13:5 God tells us “The Lord Himself goes before you, He will be WITH YOU, He will not leave you, He will not forsake you.

Several times in Isaiah (41:10; 43:2) God reminds His people, “Do not fear because I am WITH YOU, for I am your God.”

The believer in Jesus Christ is NEVER alone, even on days like today. “For though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me…” Psalm 23

One of the things I miss the most now that my kids are grown sounds silly I guess. But I miss reaching down and holding their little hands as they learned to walk. We need that when we are kids. But you know we need that later on too. Someone to be WITH US, and connected closely. The Bible says in Psalm 73 “You hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. NOW LISTEN TO THIS

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart;

He is MINE FOREVER.” Psalm 73:23b - 26

A few months ago Evelyn called me and wanted me to go to the CUU and visit Viola. So I did and found her very alert and wanting to talk. So I stood there for a few minutes and listened to her tell about her love for the people she shared her life with. And then I got to hear about her love for, and life WITH Jesus. It was funny. I walked in expecting to try to lift her spirits and walked out having mine lifted by being WITH her.

Friends, just as Enoch walked with God and was no more, for God took him. Just as David served God’s purpose for His generation and died, Viola lived her life WITH you and WITH Jesus and now, she is WITH HIM.

Do you know Him today? There is no better companion on life’s journey. It’s a hard world we live in. Struggles and trials on every hand. We’re often betrayed by our own tendency to do wrong. Why not meet WITH Jesus today. Tell Him what you’ve done that’s pushed Him away. Ask for His forgiveness. Receive new life in Him.

He said this “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
Viola knew that peace because Jesus was WITH her. And now she is WITH HIM.

Will you be? Do you know Jesus as Savior? Have you surrendered to Him as Lord? Days like today put the brevity of this life into clear focus. Chose to leave today with Christ.

Status

This license plate, because of its low number, cost a wealthy Dubai man the equivalent of 6.75 million dollars. The lower the number, the more expensive the plate because it is believed the owner is of a high "status".





I had the privilege earlier today to participate in a funeral for a dear saint of God Viola Phelps. I'd be stunned if you had ever heard of her. In our celebrity saturated culture she'd be rated a "nobody". But not to Jesus. To Him she was somebody who loved Him. And who He loved.

I was reminded of Billy Graham's quote when asked about whether or not he'd get a front row seat in heaven. The humble man of God replied thoughtfully, "No, I don't expect to. I expect that some widow woman who has been praying on her knees all these years for me and for my ministry. No, I believe she and others like her will receive the honors due them."

Viola Phelps would be one of those Billy was speaking about. I went in one day to see her in the CCU of our local hospital. I figured I'd go in for 5 minutes or so and encourage this elderly woman who must certainly be in dire straights. Sometimes I just go in and pray if they are asleep.

But Viola was very much awake. We talked about her family and how much she loved them and how much she was hoping to get to go home again to be with them. Then we talked about Jesus - how much she loved Him and how much she hoped to be one day going home to Him. I got ready to leave, my 5 minutes having become 35 and before I could pray for her, she prayed for me. She asked God to bless me and my family, to show me His will and give me the courage to do it, to bless our church and its people, and to make our ministry prosper.

I left shaking my head. I was supposed to be encouraging HER. :)

We gathered at the city cemetery today, to pay our last respects. The pastor I was sharing the service with has served this community for almost 50 years. He looked over the fields and said, "I've buried a lot of people out here." We left one more friend there today.

The mortality rate - I just checked - is still 100%. And regardless of your riches, it's still ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Why is it some people feel the need to make sure others know that their lives mean something by displaying their wealth or their position in a way to get people to notice?

It was one of those days as a pastor that clarify why it matters what we do. To keep people attentive to God's offer of salvation. To help them up and point them in the right way - to help them follow Jesus. To encourage and comfort, to instruct and rebuke.

And to help them realize that what matters the most to this world is of absolutely no value in the next. The pastor gets a pass into people's lives just at the times they need someone who knows what really matters is Jesus. It is His love that can meet every need.

It's such a great honor to be a part of God's plan.

Maybe Viola will save a seat up front for Billy. Now that's status.

Shalom,

David

On Funerals

Time was, I enjoyed writing funeral messages. I could take what I knew of the person's life and weave a story from it that seemed to help the people in grief, and expose others to the light of the gospel.

But today I will be doing the funeral message for the family of a man I did not know, who committed suicide, and who almost certainly was not a believer.

As the pastor of a church in a small town, I knew this day was coming. And I thought I'd be prepared for it. But I've been surprised with just how hard it has been to get a grip on just what God would have me say.

Let me say this up front. I hurt with those who grieve. One of them is a teenager who belongs to our church and is one of the sweetest young Christ-followers I have ever known. She came by our home the day it happened and for over an hour poured her heart out to us. It hurts to see her hurt and to see the shock and hurt in their faces.

But it is becoming increasingly clear to me that what many, many are sharing as Christianity, and what they are trying to rely on in times like these is not Christianity at all. It's cultural religion. Maybe something happened in VBS at age 6, or at a youth revival when they were 13 - in 1965. But nothing of God has crossed their mind in decades, unless His name popped in when a cuss word needed a modifier.

And they look to the pastor at times like this to "Bless this mess."

Uh, no.