When the preacher has no words

And they came to an olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, "Sit here while I go and pray." 33 He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he began to be filled with horror and deep distress. 34 He told them, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me."

35 He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. 36 "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine."

37 Then he returned and found the disciples asleep. "Simon!" he said to Peter. "Are you asleep? Couldn't you stay awake and watch with me even one hour? 38 Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak."

39 Then Jesus left them again and prayed, repeating his pleadings. 40 Again he returned to them and found them sleeping, for they just couldn't keep their eyes open. And they didn't know what to say.

I've been reading and rereading this passage. I've studied it in every context, in the original language, through the hearts of many commentators and preachers. What they've taught me, I understand.

But... oh!

I don't know what to say... either.

How could we ever understand just how broken Jesus' heart was that night?

How could we fathom the depths of sadness and depression that gripped the disciples?

But how could they disappoint Jesus like that?

Oh...

like I have... so... many... times?

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I need Good Friday, so this time I'll be faithful. This time I will "watch and pray."