What You Make It?

It's Friday night.

My day off.

The Bourne Supremacy plays in the background as white noise and I'm sitting here trying to let my mind slow down.

The next two Sundays are playing out already in my mind, and yet the immediate present seems to shove them aside. The phone rings, a precious older saint's sister has passed away. He and his wife are hanging onto their independence and their health by a thread. I try to speak some comfort into the receiver. It rings again. A deacon has read the news of murderous riots in Nigeria near the home of our adopted missionaries. Bunny has talked to them recently and I'm able to let him know they are safe for now.

Two of our men are on a plane right now on a flight that will ultimately drop one in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan. They, and the families they leave behind are on my mind. A deacon had a heart cath today - came through it well - but won't be home for a few days. It's spring break week and several families are taking a much needed break. That'll mean holes in some places during Easter. Good Friday is a week away and I'm suffering a planning block. And there's more. More in our smaller church. More in my personal life. More.

Every job I have ever had, from ditch digger, to deliveryman, from sales and marketing, to management - ultimately depended on me - my skills, my determination, my initiative, my intelligence - me. This one though - this job - while begging for everything I have in all those areas - wants more. Needs more. Requires more. And at some point you realize that having given everything you have to give - it's not enough. Never will be. Being a pastor isn't what you make it. Your church isn't what you make it to be.

I was attracted to the picture above because you can't tell whether the man has his head in his hands because he's completely spent,utterly frustrated...

...or praying to the God Who holds it all in His Hands. Who can make it work all together for good.

I can connect with that tonight.