Father's Day

It's been hard these last few years since my Daddy passed away. It's no problem to fix the date that he left this world for the next, but it's hard for me to know when he really left us. We realized it only after the funeral. After I preached a eulogy for my father from the point of view of a sharecropper's son.

It was clear two days later when the certified copy of your Last Will and Testament showed up. The one that never mentioned me, my brother, or those grandsons you seemed to love so much. Before that, we were coping with the loss of a man we had known all our lives as Daddy.

One thing I've realized over the past few days as I thought about this, is that apparently some people, and I guess I'm one of them,  tend to gloss over our parent's shortcomings and exalt those things that make us feel better about them.

There were moments I remember about him that I used to put on the good side that after further thought realize that they actually weren't. They were examples of times when he put his preferences over his family. He'd withdraw if he didn't get his way. Even the fact I had lauded - he worked over 20 years on the swing shift at the base, supposedly to get the extra money - was his way of avoiding having to be home with his wife and his boys everyday.

It was my Mother who played catch with us on long summer evenings - my Mother who showed up at Little League games. I can't remember one time my father did, even on Saturdays. He was always busy working on the land, fixing a tractor, or felling trees. It was a shock to look back and realize that.

Late in life he married again. He was lonely, no doubt of that, and somehow he met a woman who it turned out had been married and widowed several times. She called him honey and sugar, and fed his ego. They went on trips together - something my Mother had begged him to do but he never would. I guess she worked on his weaknesses and exposed him as less than the man I thought I knew.

At first it seemed like she'd be good for him, and in some ways there's no doubt that they both benefited. She was a severe diabetic and he was suffering from ailments too. But over the last years of his life I guess she took advantage of that weakness. Well, I know she did. The day he signed over his savings, he had just finished chemo.

I know he was weak. I know he was tired. I know she was evil. I just don't know how to balance the man I knew who loved his family with the one who turned his back on it at the end. Everything I knew of him - the Father, the Grandfather my boys loved so dearly - was shattered.

Father's Day is different now.

I focus my thoughts on the now and future - my awesome sons, of whom I am so proud, and my grandson, who makes me smile just thinking of him.

There's a wound that only God's grace will heal when it comes to my Father. I love him and have been trying for years to see total forgiveness happen. We'll meet in heaven one day and I guess then I'll understand.

Sunday Recap June 20 2010

We are into summer big time, where the 15 minute trip to Destin can take an hour and where we apparently intend to keep at least one family in Orlando continuously. Had some folks return and others leave. The most notable return was our Big Creek Missions group back from a week in KY. They were a little tired from the trip - having arrived after 9 PM the night before. But they were still pumped. We'll hear more from them next week.

Father's Day - it's one of those days that you have to determine as a pastor what direction you should take the message. Do you preach at/to fathers? Do you talk about fatherhood/parenthood/family? I literally thought and prayed about this particular weekend for a while and wound up being pointed to the Parable of the two sons in Luke 15. There's a ton of great resources out there on this passage - Kenneth Bailey's contextual work, Tim Keller's "Prodigal God" materials - really a host of people have tackled it. Many are splitting the study of of the parable into multiple sermons and looking at each brother and the father. I chose to cover it all in one.

Two things that really jumped out at me from the story: There were two lost sons - not one. The younger son (called the prodigal) is a no brainer for us - we see his sin immediately. But the elder brother's sins aren't as obvious because he seems to do what he's told and follow the rules. In my experience, the most devastating hurts that the Bride of Christ has suffered have not been from the prodigals but from the older brothers. Cross them as a pastor and you'll know it. And yet what they have done is set up a parallel "gospel" of works that has nothing to do with the heart of Christ.



Music for Sunday was:

Our God Saves
How Great Is Our God
Unfailing Love
The Potters Hand
Just As I Am

We're working hard every week to raise the level of worship and praise and I want to thank the band and the vocalists for investing more time in getting better at what we are honored to do.

New Hope @ Worship 15 June 2008 - Father's Day

We had a bunch of people on mission in KY this week, plus a couple more families on vacation. With Mother's day, many times you can experience a jump in attendance. Not so with Father's Day.

On Mother's day, I had used the story of Hannah and Samuel to discuss the special qualities of a God honoring Mom. Today I continued the story but from the standpoint of how BAD a father Eli was. What happened? Why did this man of God lose his sons to wickedness? What can parents do to try to ensure their kids don't turn out that way?

In planning music, I knew we were not going to be able to tie that to the text, so I just worked on preparing people for worship.

The Heart of Worship - (To try and make sure we weren't focused on any father but our Father in Heaven.
Thank You Lord
He Has Made Me Glad
It Is Well With My Soul
Amazing Grace

Every now and then, I think I need to make an effort to place one of the older and beloved hymns into a place that the words can do their work. "It is well..." did that today. If I had it to do over, I would have chosen something else than "Amazing Grace".



Audio of the sermon

I'm ending a sleepy afternoon, missing my father, and missing my sons. One's in Kentucky on a mission trip, and the other is in Warner Robins, GA. I don't know why, but this year's Father's Day has been tougher than most.

I had preached from this text back in 2000, and as I reread what I did then, it was true to the text, but it left out something that I found out to be very important, so I added that to my notes.

That is - finish strong. My brother and I are still dealing with the effects of our father's weakness at the end of his life. Nothing about that I can change. But I can ask God to give me what I need to achieve a life lived for Him until the end of my life. I do not want to out live my integrity.

I am thankful for what my father did for me. But that pales in comparison with what my heavenly Father has done.

Father's Day 2008

Yeah, I miss him.